Monday, September 03, 2012

Life today

This will become a brain and heart dump for me. Not sure how to start, but I know that write I MUST. Being a widow is strange. Heart breaking and not how I pictured my life at the age of 37. Of course I didn't sign up to be the wife of a drug addict or an abuser and yet I was. And now, after a course that wasn't what I thought of or planned on, here I am, a WIDOW. It still cuts deep every time I am asked my marital status, widow. College football started on Saturday, Tyler's best friend was home from the Army, Blake's girlfriend was home from college and for the first time in months I felt at peace. Then it struck me, football, someone was missing. And the peace within left quickly. Tears, my eyes filled with large elephant tears that begged to be wept but stuck to my eyes like glue. Approaching 7 months, I can honestly say the first 6 months were a fog and I imagine I will look back on the next six months and it will be a fog as well. Two days after my birthday my co-workers took me to lunch, at lunch I felt a touch in the middle of my back. I looked over both shoudlers and noone. Everyone at the table noticed and when asked I shrugged it off to them, but he was there. I feel him all the time, sometimes at night I ask him to lay with me, those are the nights that I sleep well. In two years time I have lost my mom, my husband and my mother-in-law. My children have lost so much and what hurts me the most is I CAN'T fix it for them. It is with the upmost confidence I can tell you that God is in every second of our days. His love and healing has been present in the months, days and minutes of our days. Dalton decided to tell me last night that he thinks I should start dating again. Absolutely not going to happen any time soon. I know that I have lots of healing and soul searching to do before I can allow someone else to enter our lives. Filling out school emergency paperwork was gut-wrenching as well. I left the father's information section blank. The thought crossed my mind to write deceased, but thought it would be seen as improper by the school. And why would I intentionally bring hurt to another person after the things I have endured. With tears and love, S

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Updates, updates, updates

Life has been so crazy the last couple of months.

I had a very large project with my account at work that had to be done by Thanksgiving. Then walking pnemonia struck, that took about 2 weeks to totally recoup from, then stomach flu on Tuesday, traveled to Dallas on Wednesday, Dalton had the stomach flu on Thursday and Blake had it yesterday. Between the stomach flu epidemic and spending 22 hours traveling on Wednesday.... I am exhausted this weekend.

Here is what I have been working on in my spare time. ;-) I graduated from knitting a scarf to knitting a baby sweater. My niece Katie is pregnant and due on the 23rd with her first baby. So I figured... hey I knitted one scarf successfully... I can knit a sweater. So Kathy, the wonderful woman I worked with gave me the pattern and off I went. All kudos to her for helping me. She taught me how to increase, decrease, cast off (again, she taught me on my first scarf too) and how to do button holes. She is such a beautiful person. Here are a couple of pictures. It is not perfect, but I think it is adorable.

I am going to get her a couple pair of leggins and onesies to go with it. I can't wait to see baby Scarlett in it.

How have you been? I promise to try and update more often!

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Love it when I get deals

When I was young my mom would go to the store every Sunday morning, buy papers and get coupons! She had a metal box sorted by category that held all of her trusted coupons. That metal box saw more trips to various stores than I did. I am so blessed that my mom taught me how to cut coupons, she would even let me help cut them when I was younger. THANK YOU MOM FOR TEACHING ME THE VALUE OF A COUPON. I used to be very diligent cutting coupons and over the years time got short and coupons became extinct in my house.

I stumbled upon a website that just plain inspired me to start again!

So with the inspiration and just my paycheck to support us, coupons are back!

Here is what I got yesterday at K-mart (who was doubling coupons up to $2.00) are you ready....... for $1.83!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 bottle of Fantastic Clean and Shine
1 bottle of Gillette Fushion Shaving Gel
2 cans of Oust Air Sanitizer
4 cans of Glade Air Freshener
2 bottles of Suave Shampoo
2 bottles of Suave Conditioner
2 bottles of Gillette body wash
2 bottles of Gillette Shampoo
1 bottle of Act mouthwash
2 tubes of Colgate toothpaste
2 tubes of Crest Kids toothpaste
1 Suave deodorant
2 bottles of Advil PM
1 bottle of Covergirl foundation (sorry mom, it's not Mary Kay)
1 container of Cover Girl eyeshadow

I did not get the youngster in the picture at K-mart, he was hand chosen by God to be there ;-) he was so proud of mama for saving $78.00 dollars at the store that he said we should go to Build-a-Bear to celebrate..... sneaky isn't he???

So... did I NEED all of this stuff... NO, but why not get while the gettin is good :-)

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Hold Fast by Mercy Me

I love this song... and if you have the ability to listen to it, please do so!

"Hold Fast"

To everyone who's hurting
To those who've had enough
To all the undeserving
That should cover all of us
Please do not let go
I promise there is hope

Hold fast
Help is on the way
Hold fast
He's come to save the day
What I've learned in my life
One thing greater than my strife
Is His grasp
So hold fast

Will this season ever pass?
Can we stop this ride?
Will we see the sun at last?
Or could this be our lot in life?
Please do not let go
I promise you there's hope

Hold fast
Help is on the way
Hold fast
He's come to save the day
What I've learned in my life
One thing greater than my strife
Is His grasp
So hold fast

You may think you're all alone
And there's no way that anyone could know
What you're going through
But if you only hear one thing
Just understand that we are all the same
Searching for the truth
The truth of what we're soon to face
Unless someone comes to take our place
Is there anyone?
All we want is to be free
Free from our captivity, Lord
Here He comes

Hold fast
Help is on the way
Hold fast
He's come to save the day
What I've learned in my life
One thing greater than my strife
Is His grasp
So hold fast

Saturday, September 13, 2008


I decided not to take the supervisory position that was open. God was telling me that the time was not right. So I shut the door, knowing that God is faithful and having faith in the fact that He is my Provider. He has always taken care of us, ALWAYS.
So just because the money from that position is much needed.... there are way more important things than money.
A week ago yesterday I was called into a meeting with my boss and her boss. They offered me a new position, and brand new position to the company and they offered it to me. It is a better suited position for me than the supervisory position and it too means more compensation on the paycheck. God is so good. He is GREAT. I start the position on Monday and the announcement went out to all employees yesterday via email... and here is what my bosses boss wrote.

Sarah Barker has accepted the opportunity to become the Lead Trainer for Project Management. This role is in addition to her responsibilities to manage the GameStop account. Sarah’s knowledge of NAS processes and procedures and her expertise in managing a primary client positions her to provide new Client Service Associates with the fundamental skills and knowledge required to successful manage projects and provide remarkable client service to our internal and external clients.

I love my job... I am really going to love my new role... and I am so thankful to God that He knows me so well and has afforded me the opportunity to be used for His glory.

In other news... Bill will not be seeing the board until at least October, he is very disheartened about this and needs and shockingly has asked for prayer. He has always been very prideful and not the most humble man on earth, but God is changing that. Him asking me to pray specifically about certain things is a huge step for him and he has been asking. God is transforming him and it is hard, and I know that it is fruitful. Bill is learning to trust and lean on God. Praise God that He is faithful and promises to love us and never leave us. How blessed are we? Abundantly. So we wait to see when he will see the board and what the outcome will be. I miss him so much!

Boys are great, school started and that throws us in the midst of chaos on most days. But I know that I will miss it when they are older. Tyler is a sophmore....a sophmore..... are you kidding me???? Blake is in 8th grade and Dalton in 4th. They are growing so fast ... too fast.... In a blink they will be done with school and starting their own lives and I will miss these chaotic days ;-)

Saturday, August 16, 2008

The job, the kids and the hubby

I love my job! I am so blessed to have a passion for what I am paid to do. There is a position open for a supervisor position at my company. I just received a promotion in March and now this position is available. It would mean much more stress, hours and pay! I spent three weeks in prayer, more prayer and then silence. Supporting three boys by myself is no small task and the extra money would be nice, but the stress and hours outweigh the pay. The deciding factor for the decision was Bill and the boys. I had several meeting with my bosses boss and other's who would be affected by my decision. I was leaning heavily toward taking the position, thinking that by the time Bill was released I could have a good grasp on the position and would be able to scale back on the hours. Two weeks ago I told my boss that on Friday I would have a decision on the position. On that Thursday night Bill called to say that he received paperwork to go back in front of the parole board. So, there it was... God telling me where I was needed. I decided not to put in for the position. To be continued....

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Scoop Diggity

Well no real new news. They have moved Bill, again. This time to a facility that deals with re-entry... so YEAH! It is a step closer but I know in my heart that it could still take a few months to complete this process. Patience never has been a strong suit of mine but God is faithful in changing that. I am missing Bill incredibly and have been in sort of a funk! God has been diligent in working on some issues that I truly needed to work on without Bill around, so He always has a plan. I would have never dealt with these things otherwise! God is good... ALL the time. Work is crazy and mentally draining every day.

With all that has happened in the last year from personal to work my energy is zapped and I just feel like I have no more to give to anyone. So I have decided that if it isn't good for me than I do not participate in what ever it is.

The boys are good and we did some back to school shopping. I can't beleive that summer is half over. The boys are getting so big so fast. Tyler will be 15 soon.

I am old! Ok... well not old, but I am getting there fast.