All the blessings

Updates, updates, updates

2008-12-20T16:47:00.005-05:00

Life has been so crazy the last couple of months.

I had a very large project with my account at work that had to be done by Thanksgiving. Then walking pnemonia struck, that took about 2 weeks to totally recoup from, then stomach flu on Tuesday, traveled to Dallas on Wednesday, Dalton had the stomach flu on Thursday and Blake had it yesterday. Between the stomach flu epidemic and spending 22 hours traveling on Wednesday.... I am exhausted this weekend.

Here is what I have been working on in my spare time. ;-) I graduated from knitting a scarf to knitting a baby sweater. My niece Katie is pregnant and due on the 23rd with her first baby. So I figured... hey I knitted one scarf successfully... I can knit a sweater. So Kathy, the wonderful woman I worked with gave me the pattern and off I went. All kudos to her for helping me. She taught me how to increase, decrease, cast off (again, she taught me on my first scarf too) and how to do button holes. She is such a beautiful person. Here are a couple of pictures. It is not perfect, but I think it is adorable.

I am going to get her a couple pair of leggins and onesies to go with it. I can't wait to see baby Scarlett in it.

How have you been? I promise to try and update more often!

Love it when I get deals

2008-10-05T06:25:00.004-05:00

When I was young my mom would go to the store every Sunday morning, buy papers and get coupons! She had a metal box sorted by category that held all of her trusted coupons. That metal box saw more trips to various stores than I did. I am so blessed that my mom taught me how to cut coupons, she would even let me help cut them when I was younger. THANK YOU MOM FOR TEACHING ME THE VALUE OF A COUPON. I used to be very diligent cutting coupons and over the years time got short and coupons became extinct in my house.

I stumbled upon a website that just plain inspired me to start again!

http://dietzelfamily.blogspot.com/search/label/Coupon%20Shopper

So with the inspiration and just my paycheck to support us, coupons are back!

Here is what I got yesterday at K-mart (who was doubling coupons up to $2.00) are you ready....... for $1.83!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 bottle of Fantastic Clean and Shine
1 bottle of Gillette Fushion Shaving Gel
2 cans of Oust Air Sanitizer
4 cans of Glade Air Freshener
2 bottles of Suave Shampoo
2 bottles of Suave Conditioner
2 bottles of Gillette body wash
2 bottles of Gillette Shampoo
1 bottle of Act mouthwash
2 tubes of Colgate toothpaste
2 tubes of Crest Kids toothpaste
1 Suave deodorant
2 bottles of Advil PM
1 bottle of Covergirl foundation (sorry mom, it's not Mary Kay)
1 container of Cover Girl eyeshadow

I did not get the youngster in the picture at K-mart, he was hand chosen by God to be there ;-) he was so proud of mama for saving $78.00 dollars at the store that he said we should go to Build-a-Bear to celebrate..... sneaky isn't he???

So... did I NEED all of this stuff... NO, but why not get while the gettin is good :-)

Hold Fast by Mercy Me

2008-09-28T13:39:00.002-05:00

I love this song... and if you have the ability to listen to it, please do so!

"Hold Fast"

To everyone who's hurting
To those who've had enough
To all the undeserving
That should cover all of us
Please do not let go
I promise there is hope

Hold fast
Help is on the way
Hold fast
He's come to save the day
What I've learned in my life
One thing greater than my strife
Is His grasp
So hold fast

Will this season ever pass?
Can we stop this ride?
Will we see the sun at last?
Or could this be our lot in life?
Please do not let go
I promise you there's hope

Hold fast
Help is on the way
Hold fast
He's come to save the day
What I've learned in my life
One thing greater than my strife
Is His grasp
So hold fast

You may think you're all alone
And there's no way that anyone could know
What you're going through
But if you only hear one thing
Just understand that we are all the same
Searching for the truth
The truth of what we're soon to face
Unless someone comes to take our place
Is there anyone?
All we want is to be free
Free from our captivity, Lord
Here He comes

Hold fast
Help is on the way
Hold fast
He's come to save the day
What I've learned in my life
One thing greater than my strife
Is His grasp
So hold fast

Conclusion

2008-09-13T08:25:00.003-05:00

I decided not to take the supervisory position that was open. God was telling me that the time was not right. So I shut the door, knowing that God is faithful and having faith in the fact that He is my Provider. He has always taken care of us, ALWAYS.
So just because the money from that position is much needed.... there are way more important things than money.
A week ago yesterday I was called into a meeting with my boss and her boss. They offered me a new position, and brand new position to the company and they offered it to me. It is a better suited position for me than the supervisory position and it too means more compensation on the paycheck. God is so good. He is GREAT. I start the position on Monday and the announcement went out to all employees yesterday via email... and here is what my bosses boss wrote.

Sarah Barker has accepted the opportunity to become the Lead Trainer for Project Management. This role is in addition to her responsibilities to manage the GameStop account. Sarah’s knowledge of NAS processes and procedures and her expertise in managing a primary client positions her to provide new Client Service Associates with the fundamental skills and knowledge required to successful manage projects and provide remarkable client service to our internal and external clients.

I love my job... I am really going to love my new role... and I am so thankful to God that He knows me so well and has afforded me the opportunity to be used for His glory.

In other news... Bill will not be seeing the board until at least October, he is very disheartened about this and needs and shockingly has asked for prayer. He has always been very prideful and not the most humble man on earth, but God is changing that. Him asking me to pray specifically about certain things is a huge step for him and he has been asking. God is transforming him and it is hard, and I know that it is fruitful. Bill is learning to trust and lean on God. Praise God that He is faithful and promises to love us and never leave us. How blessed are we? Abundantly. So we wait to see when he will see the board and what the outcome will be. I miss him so much!

Boys are great, school started and that throws us in the midst of chaos on most days. But I know that I will miss it when they are older. Tyler is a sophmore....a sophmore..... are you kidding me???? Blake is in 8th grade and Dalton in 4th. They are growing so fast ... too fast.... In a blink they will be done with school and starting their own lives and I will miss these chaotic days ;-)

The job, the kids and the hubby

2008-08-16T20:18:00.002-05:00

I love my job! I am so blessed to have a passion for what I am paid to do. There is a position open for a supervisor position at my company. I just received a promotion in March and now this position is available. It would mean much more stress, hours and pay! I spent three weeks in prayer, more prayer and then silence. Supporting three boys by myself is no small task and the extra money would be nice, but the stress and hours outweigh the pay. The deciding factor for the decision was Bill and the boys. I had several meeting with my bosses boss and other's who would be affected by my decision. I was leaning heavily toward taking the position, thinking that by the time Bill was released I could have a good grasp on the position and would be able to scale back on the hours. Two weeks ago I told my boss that on Friday I would have a decision on the position. On that Thursday night Bill called to say that he received paperwork to go back in front of the parole board. So, there it was... God telling me where I was needed. I decided not to put in for the position. To be continued....

Scoop Diggity

2008-07-26T19:03:00.002-05:00

Well no real new news. They have moved Bill, again. This time to a facility that deals with re-entry... so YEAH! It is a step closer but I know in my heart that it could still take a few months to complete this process. Patience never has been a strong suit of mine but God is faithful in changing that. I am missing Bill incredibly and have been in sort of a funk! God has been diligent in working on some issues that I truly needed to work on without Bill around, so He always has a plan. I would have never dealt with these things otherwise! God is good... ALL the time. Work is crazy and mentally draining every day.

With all that has happened in the last year from personal to work my energy is zapped and I just feel like I have no more to give to anyone. So I have decided that if it isn't good for me than I do not participate in what ever it is.

The boys are good and we did some back to school shopping. I can't beleive that summer is half over. The boys are getting so big so fast. Tyler will be 15 soon.

I am old! Ok... well not old, but I am getting there fast.

OK, not so great at updating!

2008-06-26T18:08:00.002-05:00

Well, let me tell you what has been going on.

The Wednesday and Thursday after Memorial Day I went to Texas. Yep, that's right, Texas. It was a work trip and we (Tom, Patti, Alan and I) went to meet with 3 clients and one of the installer's that we work with (who I love). My boss picked me up at my house at 5 in the morning, we picked Alan up at his house, drove to Valporaiso to pick Tom up and headed to Midway Airport in Chicago. Flew to Kansas City, got off that plane, got onto another plane and flew to Love Field Airport in Dallas. I love Dallas and I love traveling with Tom, Patti and Alan. We immediately went to lunch with 2 wonderful woman who work at Fossil. We ate at Abuelo's. The food was awesome (TexMex) yummy. Then we went to GameStop's corporate headquaters in Grapevine, they are my main client and I love them too. They are so laid back, fun and hilarious. We took them out to eat at Ferrarri's (Italian) and it was incredible. We got to kick back, talk and relax with them. It was so much fun. I tried Calamari or fish bait as I now call it. It was about 8:30 by the time we left and we headed to Stonebriar Mall in Frisco to check out a Fossil sign that we are getting ready to make. It was almost 11 by the time we got back to the hotel, got up at 5 the next morning, ate breakfast and left to see another client, Paciugo. On the way to meet with them we passed the Mary Kay corporate office. It was very exciting for me because my mom sold Mary Kay while I was growing up and I know she had been there before, dorky, but I was excited nonetheless. We met with the owner of Paciugo very briefly and set off to meet with my beloved Zeke. He is an installer who we have worked with for a long time and he is so sweet and just adorable. Their office is in Mesquite and is beautiful. From there we went to Fossil's corporate office in Richardson and met with the group of project manager's that we work with. That building is absolutely amazing. From there we headed back to the airport. We were so busy on the trip, I never even got my camera out of the case (gasp). Can you believe that? I always take pictures.
We boarded the plane, landed in Kansas City, and we were supposed to stay on the plane. They had mechanical difficulties with the plane we were on and had to switch planes, so after a layover, we boarded another plane and headed for Chicago. I got home at about 10 that night and I think it took about 3 days for me to feel human again.
The next week, my mom had another seizure and was admitted to the hospital. The tumor in her brain shrank, popped a blood vessel, and due to the pressure fromt he blood had another seizure. Good news, the tumor shrank, bad news, double the seizure medicine. She was released and has since been back to the hospital to have her gull bladder out, it was full of stones and causing her to be very sick. She is out now and takes one week of preventive chemo a month. YEAH!
Fast forward, through ball games, work,and life as a single mom to this last weekend. We discovered that Tyler is highly allerigic to Poison Ivy, Poison Oak and Poison Sumac. We found out the hard way. He woke up Saturday morning with a slightly swelled eye and lip. After a short while he looked like he went 10 rounds with Mike Tyson. Swelled, blistered and in lots of pain. I called the doctor who is awesome and met us at his office only to give Tyler two shots of Cortizone and two shots of Prednisone, along with a prescription for Trioxolene cream and Prednisone pills. He must have walked through the smoke of one of the three being burned because he doesn't have it on his hands or arms. Just his face and neck, in his mouth and nose. His ear looked horrible and the blisters kept popping and seeping. I felt so bad for him, the prednisone makes it so he can't sleep and so on top of being in pain and itching, he can't sleep. Poor thing. He finally looks himself today and has slept a lot today. In true fashion of being a mean mom, I took his picture. HE HE!

Soccer is over and baseball will be over this weekend and hopefully life will settle down a little and then maybe mom can get some much needed rest. I miss my husband and don't ever sleep well when he is not here. My heart just hurts and this time is much harder on both of us. Pray that God's will be done, no matter what that is.

So I have been quiet

2008-05-23T20:14:00.002-05:00

Well there has been a whole lot going on lately! Let's get to the point! Due to circustances out of our control, Bill is back in prison. His parole was revoked and he has to deal with a violation of probation that should have happened two years ago when he originally went to prison. ARRGGGHHH! So now we are at the mercy of the judicial system. Which is crazy and frustrating. And here I am being a single parent yet again. Which is just exhausting! Dalton is playing soccer and baseball and Blake is playing baseball. Which in turn means that most every single night is consumed with running to ball games and practices. Throw in a re-alignment at work which doubled my workload, getting ready to travel to Dallas for business for 2 days and catching all the end of year programs at school, leaves me exhausted. Lack of sleep, lots of work and fear of the unknown with Bill, and it makes for one stressed out Sarah.

Lots on my mind as well. My mom has finished her sessions of chemo and radiation (hi mom). She probably thinks I fell off the face of the earth. She has an MRI next week and a doctor's appointment the following week to determine the success of the treatments. Please keep her, her husband and our family in your prayers. We know that healing is in God's hands, and the more people standing in the gap praying is always a blessing and is always appreciated.

I received a promotion at work a couple of months ago, still loving the job, just frustrated with the politics that surround some chosen people who don't fully see the ramifications of the decisions that they make.

I am blessed to have so many great friends who have stepped in and helped with the kids, who have held all of us up in prayer!

I promise to be better and keep you up to date!

Off time?? What is that?

2008-05-04T15:30:00.010-05:00

Saturday:

Baseball game at 9
Home to clean
Baseball game at 12:45
Soccer game at 3
Home to clean and relax

Just some random thoughts

2008-04-12T07:11:00.002-05:00

If you were upset by my last post, I apologize!

I deleted my last post due to some hurt feelings that it caused. It wasn't meant to cause any hurt feelings, it was merely my way of saying that as we grow up, things change. Sad but true. I moved away from the town that I grew up in and everytime I go back I am always amazed how much things are different when I go back. I tend to think that just because my kids are growing and I am getting older that when I go back home things will be the same as when I left. My best friends kids grow up and I am shocked at how big they are getting, even though their kids are the same age as mine, and while I recognize that Tyler will be driving soon and is a freshman in HIGH SCHOOL, the safety of "HOME" slips a little every single time I go back.
I love my family very much and they hold my sweetest, fondest memories from growing up, but times change, situations change, places change and loved ones are lost.

For those who felt it was necessary to email hurtful words to me without knowing or even asking my intentions with the post, I am sorry! Sorry that you don't know my true heart well enough, sorry that you didn't feel comfortable enough to ask and sorry that you thought I was trying to say things couldn't or shouldn't change.

I am a true type A personality, I hate change, but I know that growth doesn't happen without change. So for those who don't know, here are some changes that I am glad that happened.

I am glad that I realized I am in need of a Saviour, rather than thinking I can do it all by myself.
I am glad I changed and am no longer addicted to the drugs that ruined my life for 2 years.
I am glad that I moved away from my home town and found out that I am able to stand on my own two feet rather than relying on everyone else to do things for me.
I am glad that my kids know all about me and have learned that not everyone is perfect and that forgiveness is the true key to a happy life.

I am by no means perfect, no one is, I don't expect perfection from anyone. I expect that if you love someone, you love them unconditionally, their faults are a part of that. Just as I love my husband, he is an addict, I don't tell him that I love him but only if he keeps his mouth shut and doesn't do the drugs. I love him as he struggles with his addiction, everyday. I love him and would never tell him that he isn't allowed to express his feelings or opinions and would never make him feel guilty for doing so.

Aunt Becky and mom, I love you, in spite of your faults, I LOVE YOU for who you are, not who I want or wish you could be!

XOXOXO, here is to hoping this season passes without anymore hurt feelings or broken relationships!

One reason I love my job~

2008-02-23T18:04:00.002-05:00

The following photos are of our team. There are several different Project Management teams that work for my company, and every day I thank God that I work with this team.

We call ourselves the Bad News Bears~!

From left to right:
Me, Kathy, our site coordinator, who I just love and the more I learn about her the more I admire her, Alan, who works on GameStop with me and is like a brother to me, Tom, our salesman, who is like Robin Williams and always makes us laugh and when he and I are together just feed off each other, Dan, he is new and has the same birthday as me (which makes me like him all the more), he works with me on Fossil, Patti, our Senior Project Manager, who has been a great friend and awesome boss to me and when I am being a bull in a China shop makes me stop and think about my next move, and on the end is Kesha, she is wonderful and so cutely innocent you just can't help but love her.

Our team is known as the goofballs and the "loud" group! We decided to take a group photo for Tom to give to our current clients and potential customers to show them who is behind the phone calls and all the work that goes into putting their signs on the wall. In true Bad News Bears fashion it was a blast.

In the photo below, Tom is telling Patti that she is too close. Tom is always hugging and touching Alan and I but can't handle it when Patti invades his personal space. It is hilarious. As you can see in the picture she has come to close to him and he is freaking out. FUNNY!!!! We pick on Tom all the time about the "touching" issue he has!

The photo below is a great photo of us~ We all look very relaxed and I think this is the photo that will go to our customers~We just can't help but be goofy, so this picture is very us!

In this photo, Patti goosed me and everyone burst into laughter when I screamed! Tom was actually saying, " I think she's crazy~"

I love that our little group is like a family. We lift each other up when needed and celebrate all of our lives together. I wouldn't want to work in any other group and would be broken hearted to lose anyone from our team.

Sick with the flu

2008-02-11T19:53:00.001-05:00

Bill, Tyler, Dalton and I have all been sick with the flu for the last week! I came down with it on Thursday, it is horrible. Achy, nauseous, coughing and just feel like I have been hit by a mack truck!

Yuck!

Oh and on the bright side I think we reached a high in the double digits today!

I love winter!

Win a Stand Mixer

2008-01-17T14:47:00.000-05:00

A Cowboy’s Wife is having a contest on her food blog! You can win a Hamilton Beach® Stand Mixer and she’ll ship anywhere so everyone is eligible!

100 things about me

2008-01-10T20:57:00.000-05:00

1. I am a Christian and a sinner who is far from perfect
2. I am a wife of an addict
3. I am a mom of three boys
4. I cut the tip of my finger off and had it stitched back on
5. I am way too honest and vocal
6. I am scared of the dark, there are boogey men I know they will get me
7. I hate needles
8. I have 3 tattoos
9. I have my nose pierced
10. My house is almost always chaotic
11. I don't know what to do with time to myself
12. I graduated 7 months pregnant
13. I love all 3 boys for who they are
14. I am a submissive wife
15. I am an enabler
16. I am a co-dependant
17. I love the outdoors
18. I love hunting and fishing
19. I am extremely competitive
20. I am blessed to have a job that I enjoy
21. I have the most wonderful co-workers
22. My boss and I are friends
23. I have thick naturally curly hair
24. I once got a perm
25. It wasn't good
26. I color my hair
27. I used to bite my nails
28. It drives me crazy that Tyler does it
29. I have big feet
30. My big toe is big and my family makes fun of it
31. I have a cat named Smores
32. I have two turtles, Raphael and Michaelangelo
33. I fall in love with my husband every day
34. I love to wash his back when he takes a bath
35. I won't admit that to him
36. I love to pick on and banter with him
37. I adore his family
38. They taught me if you love someone, tell them
39. I LOVE licorice
40. I had braces at the age of 28
41. I chew ice
42. I have an extremely creative and talented family
43. The gene missed me
44. I miss my grandma very much
45. Every time I see a beautiful flower I think of her!
46. I just finished my first knitting project (a scarf) successfully
47. I will never be as good of a knitter as my mom or Aunt Becky
48. I am a tom boy
49. Girly girls irritate me
50. The older I get, the more girly I get
51. I am married to a fantastic cook
52. I make the best no bake cookies
53. I don't really like them
54. I love cheese, in any form, mac & cheese, cheese puffs or just plain cheese
55. Lion King is my favorite Disney movie
56. Finding Nemo is next
57. I have been told I am too trusting
58. Once I set my mind to do something, I do it 100%
59. I rarely do my hair
60. Even more rarely do I wear makeup
61. I love football and softball
62. I have never taken a cab ride
63. I have driven from Michigan to California
64. I would never do it again
65. I enlisted in the Air Force
66. I was medically discharged due to #12
67. I am a work-a-holic
68. I am not a disciplinarian
69. I love the smell of Baby Magic Baby lotion
70. I have more male friends than female
71. I will go up to 2 years without cutting my hair
72. I will go on a whim and cut it all off
73. I always wash my hands after using the restroom
74. When I wash my hands I always wash the bowl of the sink, no matter where I am
75. When grocery shopping I always put the items on the conveyer in a certain order
76. I must group like items together
77. I love to garage sale
78. I hate cheap toilet paper
79. I will skimp on something else to buy Charmin
80. I miss my home town
81. I miss my two best friends
82. I love to take pictures
83. I hate to be photographed
84. I missed my afternoon classes my senior year at least twice a week
85. I got straight A's my senior year
86. I would move to West Virginia in a heartbeat
87. My favorite car is a 69 Camaro
88. I love to shoot guns
89. My favorite western is McClintock with John Wayne
90. I would love to take a cruise to Alaska
91. I don't sleep well if my husband is not in bed with me
92. I have slept more in the last 3 months than I did the 1 1/2 years he was gone!
93. The year and a half he was gone was the best of both of us ;-)
94. I love Ansel Adams photos
95. I bought my first camera when I was 10 with money from a summer job
96. I still have the camera packed away
97. I have wronged many people that I love dearly
98. I am truly sorry
99. I always wear my sunglasses on my head
100. I honestly didn't think I would have 100 things to tell you!

He chose me

2008-01-05T07:54:00.000-05:00

Just my ramblings this morning:

Starting 2008 I have reflected. Reflected on where I am and where I was.

I am a long way from where I want to be and yet I am so much farther than where I was. I praise God that He chose me. I praise Him for putting the people in my life to lead me to the knowledge that He wants a relationship with ME!

The responsibility of our relationship sometimes finds it's way to the back burner. I sometimes forget that my testimony and my walk is ALWAYS being watched. My every action, word, thought and step is being seen. Not just by God, by my children, their friends, my friends, my co-workers, family and by people I sometimes don't realize are watching. I should know, I am a people watcher! What message am I sending to the people watchers who see me? I may never know, God will~

I can be playful, harsh, thoughtless, silly, uncompassionate and worldly. On the other hand I can be serious, loving, thoughtful, selfless and sympathetic. My prayer is that my testimony and walk touches many, many that I know and many who I will never meet on earth.

He chose me! He chose me to see the supernatural. Sometimes when we go through trials and tribulations we want to know why we have to endure hard times. I pray that I never lose sight of the fact that on the other side of trials are the celebrations and the fact that through the trials are the eyes of watchers who see God's hands at work through me, my actions and my words. Every day I fall short of the grace of God. Every day I get up and put my best foot forward to spread His love, His joy and His grace. He chose me and He chose you! I am thankful that His timing is perfect, He knew that I could not have endured the events that have happened in my life without His hand in the mix.

True intimacy with God always breeds humility! I pray for 2008 that I come to Him honest and bare hearted!

I Peter 4:19 KJV

19 Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator.

And the results are in

2008-01-02T18:53:00.000-05:00

Ok, here is the update!
They did the hysterectomy on Monday,the 10th, I was released from the hospital on Wednesday, the 12th! Came home, feeling sore and tired but otherwise OK! The next day Dalton stayed home from school with me and I was under strict instructions to rest, which I did! I was in pain so I was taking the prescription medication that the doctor gave me, which in turn made me sleep most of the day away! At about 5 that day my niece stopped to check on me. When she left she kissed me on the forehead and noticed I had a fever. Doctors instructions were..... over 101, we should call the doctor. Well throughout the night on Thursday the fever progressed, climbing higher and higher until I checked at about 2 in the morning and it was 101.8. I was in serious pain, so bad that the prescription was not helping. Finally at 5:30 am, I woke Bill up and told him that he needed to help me, I didn't know how he could help or what to do... but something was NOT right.
Now, for those of you who don't know me or my family, this may not seem like a big deal. But for me to admit that something is wrong, let alone ask for help..... THE WORLD SHOULD HAVE STOPPED!
So, by this point, I was going downhill fast. Bill called his sister, who is a nurse and is always the go to in times of question. She said call the on call doctor on the hospital form. Bill called, the doctors instructions were..... take me to the ER! Ha Ha. After my insistent NO, he gave up. I told him I was not going to the ER and sitting there for several hours. At 8 Bill called my doctors office, they said to bring me to the office at 9 and they would do x-rays and blood work and I could see the doctor. Went to the office, which by this time, I could barely walk on my own or keep my eyes open and head up as I was so weak, and they did x-rays. We went upstairs to my doctors office and the next thing I know I am back in the car and off to the ER we go. The next few hours were blurry. I remember getting more x-rays and the nurse coming into take blood and start an IV. They could not find a vein, I have my father to thank for that, so the nurse decided to start an IV port and take blood from that same vein before starting the IV. I heard her say OMG, her blood is barley dripping in the vile, drip, drip, drip, to my husband. Another nurse came into to take more blood for another culture and they couldn't find a vein, of course, after trying twice! Oh, have I mentioned that I HATE NEEDLES! Like make me want to puke! So the nurse said that they were going to send IV therapy up to try and get the other culture.
I looked Bill right in the eyes, which took about all the energy I had and said " NO MORE NEEDLES, take me home now, I don't want to do this anymore" And I meant it, I was done fighting, I didn't want to be sick and certainly did not want to be at the hospital any longer.
The nurse who started my IV and was with me for the first few hours in the ER came back in the room and I said, I don't want anymore blood work! She said, sweety, they aren't gonna find another vein on you to take blood from until we get you hydrated.
I didn't understand what she meant at the time. The next day my doctor came to check on me and told me that the fever was due to a major infection and severe dehydration. Which was why my veins were heard to find and why my blood was running so slow. Many IV solutions and antibiotics and on Monday they released me from the hospital. As a matter of fact, on Sunday I told Bill "you better be here at 9:30 in the morning because I am out of here tomorrow" Needless to say the doctor didn't show up until 10:30! She asked how I was and I very boldly said " I am going home today" She sort of giggled and said OK! From the time she released me to the time the wheelchair was there to give me a ride downstairs was about 15 minutes. Yep, just that fast, they had my IV out and I was in my own clothes and was on my way home. Two very strong prescription antibiotics and plenty of fluids and rest were on order for the next couple weeks.
I did good, rested, plenty of fluids (wasn't making the mistake of getting dehydrated again!!!!) and took my prescriptions just like the doctor ordered. I had my checkup on the 27th and she said I was recovering beautifully! I even talked her into letting me go back to work, well she said 4 hours a day until the 21st, then I can go back full time. But hey.... as much of a workaholic as I am...... I'll take what I can get. So I went back to work on Monday, rested on Tuesday and worked today. I could seriously get used to only working 4 hours a day.... it is kind of nice. But I seriously missed everyone from work. They are family. We spend most of our time with co-workers and I work for such an awesome company with fantastic co-workers, my heart missed so many of them so much, that I just couldn't wait to get back.

I will be checking on everyone shortly.... just getting back in the swing of things!

~~~~~HAPPY NEW YEAR~~~~~

Fantastic Surprise and the surgery

2007-12-07T13:39:00.000-05:00

At work we are a team. One boss, one salesman and four project managers are the makeup of our team. We call ourselves the "Bad News Bears". We are the fun-loving loud team at our work!

Our boss arranged for a year end surprise yesterday for our team! We have had a great year and with me about to be out for 4-6 weeks, we had Christmas a little early!

We took a Limo to Chicago for the whole day. That is right, NO WORK! We went to Macy's and saw the Christmas tree and then to the Sear's Tower.

We found this cute little shop as soon as we made our first stop in Chicago. How cute is that? And me doing my very best red-neck version of Vanna! lol

This is a photo from the 7th floor of Macy's looking down at all the escalators. I haven't figured out how to rotate the pictures. hehe... Sorry, you will just have to turn your head sideways to see how cool it really is.

And the tree... sorry, yet another head turner ;-)

We were trying to figure out just how much he cost!

This photo is overlooking Soldier Field. Home of Da Bears! My Bears, who we will NOT be discussing this football season. And out on the point is the Shedd Aquarium. We were going to try and make it there, but we ran out of time. That is ok, because that was going to be a special trip for Bill and I! I am glad that our trip didn't get spoiled by yesterday's events!

We went to Brazzaz to eat lunch, which is my absolute most favorite restaurant of all time. If you are ever in Chicago and you like meat, you MUST eat there. Google it, I am telling you... it's love. Me and Brazzaz forever! Then we walk to Garrett's popcorn place. Which I didn't eat because I stuffed my face at BRAZZAZ's! From there to Water Tower Mall. We got to see all the cool shops on the Magnificent Mile. I was such a blessing to be able to spend the entire day doing what we wanted completely paid for! I work for such an awesome company. They have been nothing but a blessing to me and my family!

This is looking down the levels at the Water Tower Mall~!

I will be offline completely for the next month! YUCK! I feel it will be time well spent. I plan on doing ALOT of reading and Kathy, my awesome co-worker bought me some bamboo needles and yarn! I will try this whole knitting thing again. I fear however to never be as talented as my mom or my auntie!

Have a very Merry Christmas and a safe New Year!

The Results, treatment, the wedding and Thanksgiving

2007-11-23T08:22:00.000-05:00

Well the results from the biopsy are back. Cervical cancer is the diagnosis and a hysterectomy is the treatment. Mid December I will have the surgery. Have a mentioned how much I hate hospitals? The oncologist says that chemo and radiation will not be needed after the surgery so God has yet again poured blessings upon me that I just don't deserve. What an awesome God we serve!!!!

My niece, Katie, got married last weekend! She was the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. Not that I am at all biast, as she is like a daughter to me. Her husband is set to deploy to Iraq in a couple of months and he is just a wonderful man. I am so proud of them both.

Thanksgiving is such a great time of year. I am thankful that I serve a loving God, who sent His only Son to create a pathway to Him, to an eternal home. I am thankful this year that my God allows people to stand in the gap and pray, pray to change hearts and pray to change a sting of events that are not God's will.

We went to Bill's mom and had dinner at noon yesterday and then went to his niece Charity's house after that. Charity has bought a beautiful new home that was big enough for all that family. Which included a total of 9 kids and 16 adults. Every year we go around and tell what we are thankful for. Every year I cry. This year was especially emotional. Dalton volunteered to start and the very first thing he gave thanks for was God followed up by being thankful for "all the great looking food". We all just giggled. Next was Justin and Betsy and then me. I may have well have just cried and not said a word. I am thankful for so many things this year. Thankful that God changes hearts, thankful that while Bill was in prison, I stood my ground, moved on with life and filed for divorce. Thankful that Bill realized his ways don't work and living a Christ centered life is more important than a self centered life. Thankful that we stayed together and stopped the divorce, living a testimony that is a powerful showing of Christ's love. Thankful that the diagnosis of cancer is a curable one. Thankful that even if things don't go as the doctor's plan, I know that my eternal home is with a Loving God whose chose ME!

Surgery is over

2007-11-10T13:49:00.000-05:00

About a month ago I went to the OBGYN for a check up, which I haven't done for about 6 years. I know, I know... bad girl~ When I went 6 years ago they discovered that I had two fibroid tumors and the only way to guarantee that they would be gone and not come back was to do a hysterectomy. Which at the age of 26 was out of the question for me. So in true Sarah fashion, I just stuck my head in the sand like an ostrich and ignored the situation. Life got busy and I just didn't deal with it.
Well over the last six months, my monthly visitor, we'll call her Flo, became MUCH more painful, longer and extremely heavy. Back to the doctor I went. The pap smear came back with abnormal cells, another ultra sound showed the tumors still there, no bigger than they were before, thank the Lord, and my uterus was larger than it should be. Biopsy's were done and surgery scheduled. The results from the first biopsy's were that the abnormal cells are precancerous. So yesterday I went to the hospital and had a cold cone biopsy to remove the abnormal cells and a procedure called Nova Sure to take care of the uterus. Everything was scheduled and happened so fast I barely knew what was going on.
Soooo..... I am resting and relaxing this weekend. Taking it easy and enjoying being pampered.

Updates on everyone else.

Boys are doing well in school. Blake is done with football and on to basketball. Tyler didn't do so well this 9 weeks, so his social life is on hold. Dalton did well and surprisingly has settled down in school a little this year.
Bill is doing great. Back to work and I can see a true heart change this time. He has always been all about Bill before and it is not like that any more. He has truly but me and the boys first now. Which is hard for me to accept. I am used to doing everything around the house, and now I don't have to, and he doesn't let me.
Bill is working, going to counseling and we have filed a notice to reconcile with the court. Which feels great. I hate divorce, hate it. Didn't want to do it. And glad that he has changed his heart, surrendered to the Lord and is doing what is right. We were officially together for a decade on the 8th. I told him last night that I am glad that after 10 years, I love him and am still in love with him. I fall in love with him all over again nearly everyday. I am thankful that my Lord is a giving, loving Lord and has blessed me with a soul mate, and a best friend. Despite Bill's downfalls, I love him. Nothing will change that.

Great Prize and they are giving it away!

2007-11-07T07:23:00.000-05:00

Check out DE Reviews http://dereview.blogspot.com/ for an awesome prize.

Here is what Drea wrote!

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Couple photos from last night!

2007-10-12T11:30:00.000-05:00

Bill cooked dinner for tonight, last night. Pork roast with potatoes and carrots and onions! YUM~

Blake decided he wanted to know how to cut an onion and if it would make him cry. As you can see in the picture, Bill has taught him how to cut it and he found out that it does indeed make your eyes water ;-)

Tyler offering me a slice of onion... no way! Blake trying to get his eyes to stop watering!

Dalton being Mr. Grumpy pants. He doesn't like roast... he likes the potatoes and carrots, but not the roast! PICKY~
Just a funny picture of the boys!

Blessing and the Inevitable

2007-09-25T19:36:00.000-05:00

BLESSINGS
For two weeks now I have been doing a bible study called A Woman's Heart by Beth Moore. What an awesome experience. When my SIL asked if I wanted to be a part of it, I instantly came up with about a dozen excuses why I couldn't do it. Then she asked if I would be there, of course I said yes. I drug my heals and didn't do the homework the first week, then last week, I was faithful, did my homework and fell in love with the study. It is refreshing like you wouldn't believe. The Lord always knows what we need. I have learned so much in the last week. God is good, ALWAYS.
INEVITABLE
Bill will be released next Thursday. 9 days. It has been a year and a half since I saw him. There are so many emotions running through me right now. I have talked to him several times in the last month. Time will tell the truth. Diligent in prayer I will be~

Where to start

2007-09-11T09:25:00.001-05:00

So here is the outside of the new house! Note all the junk on the front porch from unpacking, he he~

Blake went on vacation with a friend, I missed him so much, and he is now home and all the boys are back in school. Woo Hoo! We are adjusting to the new house, being back to school and my schedule with work is finally starting to slow down this year.

I went to my first Notre Dame game a couple of weeks ago. I am a huge Michigan fan, but I had four free tickets from my company. Couldn't turn them down.

Norte Dame entering the field as the game starts!
I took my friend Ken, his twin brother, John and John's son, Zach! Ken bought me a Notre Dame shirt, which will only be worn once and that was at the game! Ha ha, Go BLUE!!!

We also had a company golf outing last Friday. Never golfed before, but we had teams of four and we played best ball. Thankfullly I was on Alan and Tom's team and they are great golfers. We were (hurricaned) rained out at the 7th hole. But we had a blast in the mean time.

God's timing is perfect, I slow down in time to adjust to and to help the boys to adjust to Bill's being released. 3 weeks. I have spoken to him twice in the past month. He is asking for yet another chance. I just don't know, I hate divorce, hate it! And yet protecting myself and the boys is tops on my priority list.

I started a bible study group with Bill's sister and some of his nieces last night. It is A Women's Heart by Beth Moore and I am so excited about it.

We will do it for 10 weeks on Monday nights. Tutoring for Dalton starts next week on Tuesday's and Blake's football games start this week on Wednesday's. Thursday night will be designated family night and Friday, Saturday and Sunday... well I am sure that they will end up full of activities all by themselves, no planning involved.

The last year and a half has flown by..... and yet I know that these next 3 weeks will drag :(

I miss being a wife, I miss having a complete family, I miss my soul mate and yet the question comes..... at what point do you comprimise?

One Word, No explanations.

2007-08-23T07:33:00.000-05:00

1. Yourself: comical
2. Your spouse: incarcerated
3. Your hair: flowing
4. Your mother: newlywed
5. Your father: hero
6. Your favorite item: swing
7. Your dream last night: non-exsistent
8. Your favorite drink: water
9. Your dream car: bullet
10. The room you are in: cubicle
11. Your ex: #2
12. Your fear: dark
13. What you want to be in 10 years: younger
14. Who you hung out with last night: Ken
15. What you're not: boring
16. Muffins: nah
17: One of your wish list items: car
18: Time: MORE!
19. The last thing you did: laughed
20. What you are wearing: outfit
21. Your favorite weather: fall
22. Your favorite book: bible
23. The last thing you ate: McDonalds
24. Your life: improving
25. Your mood: naughty
26. Your best friend: Ken
27. What you're thinking about right now: kids
28. Your car: black
29. What you are doing at the moment: thinking
30. Your summer: heartbreaking
31. Your relationship status: huh!
32. What is on your TV: nothing
33. What is the weather like: wet
34. When was the last time you laughed: today

New House!

2007-08-23T06:51:00.001-05:00

We have moved.
Every horrible memory from the last house does not haunt me on a daily basis anymore. The new house is adorable, and I mean adorable. I actually have a living room and a dining room, seperately, now! I have been looking for a new place for about a year, no house I looked at felt right, until this one. I saw it, walked in and fell in love. There are a couple of draw backs, but overall, it is perfect for us! And it is so warm and inviting, which the other house was not!
The top photo is of the living room, note the big window with the turtle tank in it! My girlfriend and I will be making curtains ;-)
The second picture is the dining room ceiling, as you can see in all the pictures, the walls and ceilings in the house have this beautiful trim that is just captivating! The third picture is also of the dining room and I will post more pictures later as blogger is being a pain!

Hearts

2007-07-29T05:52:00.001-05:00

Does this mean I am a pig?

You scored as Pink, Your heart is pink. You're everyone's friend. Woo go you! Everyone loooves you!! You're the definition of a true friend, which is why you mean so much to your friends. You will do anything to see your friends smile, you have a great quality- don't change for anybody.

Yellow

100%

Pink

100%

Blue

93%

Orange

39%

Purple

32%

Black

14%

Red

14%

White

Green

created with QuizFarm.com

Remembering and blessed!

2007-07-20T06:11:00.001-05:00

I remember moving to our new home town, not knowing but a couple of people and being scared of making new friends. Just as though I was one of the kids. We moved in February so mid school year for the kids. On Tyler and Blake's first day, I took them to school, the principal met me at the front door, knew the kids' names and took us through the school together. The women who worked in the lunch room knew the boys' names (WOW), the secretary, the helpers, everyone already welcoming them with open arms. I remember that Tyler was escorted to his class first, I met the teacher and left my oldest in her care. Then Blake (who everyone in the class thought was going to be a girl, he he) met the teacher and she asked the class where Blake could sit. This toe headed boy threw his arm up and said "RIGHT HERE!" They have been best friends since that day. Inseperable, Danny at my house or Blake at his house.

And soon after that day, his mom came to my house with open arms, welcoming us to our new town. She and I were inseperable too. She and I had so much in common, only she was twice the mom that I could ever think of being. She was ALL about her children. A true inspiration. She cooked things that were wonderful. Especially rice crispy treats and monster cookies!

Her youngest son and I developed a bond that I can not explain. He is younger than Blake and Danny but older than Dalton, so he always comes to the house to "hang out" with me. He gives the best bear hug you have ever gotten and is just full of love.

Here is a picture of our five boys last summer, just months before Nancy was diagnosed with a cancer that would take her life. She went to Heaven yesterday morning! Tears of sorrow flow from my heart as I long to see her, and miss her so.

She would kill me for posting this picture of her, but in true best friend fashion, I had to. This is her oldest son, Paris and Nancy eating her TOWN FAMOUS rice crispy treats, which she made in red, white and blue for the 4th of July last year. I love her, she has made a huge impact on my outlook of tomorrow and how we may never get that.

Nancy

2007-07-12T09:19:00.000-05:00

Cancer sucks!

Watching her fight for every breath, knowing that within a week she won't be here, and all the lives that she has touched will miss her greatly, just sucks :(

She is an awesome mother, sister, daughter, and friend!!!!

Just another day~

2007-06-28T15:41:00.001-05:00

Well, word on the street is that they have moved Bill's date with the parole board up. Yep that is right, it will be in the next week or two. Of course, this information comes from his mother, so I have a detective that I know looking into it.
I have taken a step back from anything and everyone until I get this all figured out. I can not be too careful when dealing with Bill. I also can not give him any sort of reason to go crazy, and he will. I am certain that his time out of prison is short, however, I am sick to my stomach when I think of the amount of destruction that he can cause in that time. Both to me, to the boys, to his family and to the general public. It is horrifying!
So much for being able to move on with life :(

Camping and Father's Day~

2007-06-18T06:32:00.000-05:00

Knowing what a hard weekend this would be for Dalton...... we went camping...
Four adults... four kids, camping.
We had a blast. Deanna, Rob, Mason, Brendon, Campbell, me, Dalton and Jason~
Dalton caught lots of fish, we had great eats... and slept under the stars, it was wonderful and relaxing.... and only two things missing... Tyler and Blake. They stayed with their dad for the weekend at my house while we were gone. But they had lots of fun with their dad as well.

Here are some pictures.

Here is our little camp site on the river near our house. It is a little island that you can only get to by boat, very secluded and no one to bother us.... peaceful!

Dalton, Brendon and the fish that Dalton caught but wouldn't touch. How cute are they?

Campbell eating corn on the cob before we could even get it cooked... she cleaned it herself. She is the most adorable little thing.

Jason, cooking cinnamon rolls in a dutch oven on the camp fire! I didn't even know you could do that!!!! But he did....

This swan came right up to camp, how beautiful. We also saw two wild turkeys on the island and we found deer tracks.
It was a most enjoyable weekend and kept Dalton's mind off of his dad. He had a little breakdown on Saturday night, I think he
was a little exhausted and he was quickly over it and moved onto more fishing.

Extreme heat wore us out and I slept for 3 hours when we got home yesterday... but not until I had a nice warm shower. I love to camp, yet I sure missed my nice comfy mattress....

More on the latest....

2007-05-16T05:35:00.000-05:00

I went to the Brookfield Zoo in Chicago with Blake's class on Friday. Yep, that is right, I took my first vacation day since I have been at my job. That is almost two years and we had a blast. Here is our picture as we are getting ready to leave the school.

And here is goofy pants with a mask on. Yeah, my kid wore pajamas to the zoo, Lucky Charms pajamas, I am so proud.

Not my favorite animal, but the colors are so beautiful that I couldn't help to post this picture. My camera does such a wonderful job of enhancing colors sometimes.... best purchase I have made in years.

This was and will always be my favorite exhibit. I absolutely love monkeys, any monkey, I do not discriminate. I love them all. I bet I took 50 pictures of them. This little guy was swinging around putting on quite a show until papa settled him down. ADORABLE!!!

Here is a concrete monkey carved like Sampson, who was the dominate male at this zoo for years. Blake took the picture... kinda blurry....

And this is what the kids got me for Mother's Day. Because they hate my black sunglasses and make fun of me for getting a sun burn when I am only in the sun for 15 minutes..... I got a new hat, sunglasses and..... oh my favorite.... Tim McGraw's favorites CD. My kiddies really know how to make my heart melt.

Baseball season has started and I am a happy mom.

On a sad note, please pray for my friend Nancy who is battling cancer, she is in the hospital with a blood infection and a blood clot. They did surgery yesterday to remove her port which has caused the infection. I believe they are getting her comfortable enough to send her home... Many, many prayers have been said, I appreciate all of them.

I know, I know, Bad Blogger

2007-05-08T05:53:00.000-05:00

Aunt Becky asked what I have been up to.....

Planned a benefit dinner for my friend who has an uncurable cancer.... it was a success... we raised over $6,000. That took up all of April, with meetings about every three days and running for preparation in between. Oh and of course working 60 hours a week. And three or five kids mixed in there. And lets not forget about the fact that cooking and cleaning are a necessity and in the mix of all of that, I try to sleep for about 4 hours a night. It exhausts me just to think of it all.

But here are some fun pictures from over the weekend. I finally went and bought the boys some new fishing poles. Dalton caught his first fish and jumped up and down screaming when he realized he had a fish on the line. It was one of those moments that makes a parents heart flutter.

I managed to teach Tyler how to take his fish off the hook, he even managed to hook a goose. That's right, my kid.... He was fishing and cast the line and a goose flew right into it. Ripping all the line out of his pole and almost jerking the pole out of his hands. Since he just got the new pole the goose was not going to win that easy. How funny.

Hopefully I will start having more time to keep everyone up to date on life in general, but I am purposefully keeping some things under wraps, but I have attached a sneek peek. I will talk more about him later. And no, you don't get any better of a look. Nice try.

~I've been tagged~

2007-03-30T06:07:00.000-05:00

Barbie at http://www.praiseyouinthisstorm.blogspot.com/ tagged me~

My 6 weird things list~ Hmmmm

1.) I am scared of heights, no wait, terrified of heights, and yet I love a good roller coaster... weird, I know.

2.) I am scared of the dark, yep, that's right. I know there are such things as monsters in the closet and under the bed, and I am certain that there are boogeymen who will sneak out from behind a tree or from under a car. SCARY

3.) I carry toilet paper in my car at all times. I hate every roll of toilet paper except Charmin. I will go without other things to buy Charmin. I will hold it for hours on end to not have to use cheap toilet paper. Silly, I know~

4.) I must sleep with my socks OFF. I don't know why, but I hate wearing socks to bed. I do not sleep well if I have them on, and usually kick them off if I do happen to fall asleep with them on.

5.) I have never been to Florida. That to me seems weird because it seems everyone I know has been to Florida. NOT ME~

6.) I sometimes leave the light in the bathroom off when I shower. (never when I shave though) What may seem weird to you, relaxing to me. DON'T KNOCK IT TILL YOU TRY IT~

I tag anyone who wants to play along.

Thoughts for the day

2007-03-17T15:52:00.000-05:00

I have had a very busy last month.
Today I have reflected, reviewed, and remember the years of the past. Friday is one year since Bill left, by my choice. Next Saturday would be our anniversary and the following Monday is Bill's birthday. Very emotional for me to reflect on and look ahead to.

One year ago

One year ago today, I was fighting.
Fighting ~ for my marriage
Fighting ~ for him to do the right thing
Fighting ~ to be safe
Fighting ~ to save my life
Fighting ~ for my boys to not see the truth of his actions
One year ago today, I was praying
Praying for the Lord to help him see
Praying for the Lord to keep us safe
Praying to the Lord to break him
Praying to the Lord to make him want us
Praying for the Lord to give me strength
One year ago on Friday, I was fighting
Fighting for him to leave
Fighting to keep my house as mine
Fighting for my boys to see His light
One year ago on Friday, the Lord set me free
Free from his drug addiction
Free from his control
Free from his abuse
Free to love my children
Free to have an unconditional relationship with my Lord~

I had a great conversation with my sister-in-law today, she is such and inspiring Christian woman. My heart tells me to do certain things and she sets me on the different, right path and makes me see outside the box of how Bill will perceive my actions. I am so thankful to the Lord for bringing her into our lives.
Jen left me with this verse today

Matthew 7:6
6 Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

She is wise beyond imagination. Knowing that Bill doesn't know ME, the washed in the blood, saved by His grace, me.

Breathe

2007-03-06T10:45:00.000-05:00

Ok, prompted by Barbie, I realize how much time slips by in between my updates.

Here is a brief update and asking for HUGE prayer.

The divorce. Papers were filed on February 14th. That's right, happy heart day to me :(

Husband has gotten the papers and is angry, I have not actually spoken to him, but his wonderful mother can not help herself but to call and communicate his feelings.

I am packing the house and will be moving. Not sure yet, but definitely moving. Staying in the same town, just new place and new start.

Working 50-60 hours a week. We are crazy, busy. OK, go ahead say it, I am just crazy sometimes, I can't disagree. lol

And most important, my best friend, Nancy, has been diagnosed with a very rare cancer. My son Blake and her son Danny have been best friends since we moved to our home town, and are inseparable. Her other son Travis, age 9, is at my house all the time too, as he loves to come and hang with me. He likes to cook so I let him come over and help me out. Nancy and I started being friends because of the kids and have so much in common. We started requesting the boys be on the same teams for sports and car pooled to games and practices. She is a gem. All the kids love her, and she has touched so many lives in her very short 34 years. She has two other children who are 19 and 17 as well. So I am organizing a benefit dinner to raise money to help her with medical bills, household bills, and all of her needs. My heart just aches and I have yet to get a grasp on why. Not for me to question and yet, I just want to know~ The doctors told her yesterday that they do not know what else to do and her time is short. I can not even imagine the conversation that is going to be had with the kids.

So there are the updates of my plate.... fairly full.

Below is a photo of the dynamic duo of Danny and Blake from football in 2004. Seems like just yesterday.

Prayer are needed and appreciated.

Sorry for my absence

2007-02-16T06:46:00.000-05:00

I have spent much time in prayer, at work and with the kids over the past month. Due to the hard work that my partner, Alan, and I have put into the account, we have to date received triple the amount of work for our account at the company. Which is fabulous and could not be better timing as I am in need of things to keep my mind busy.
I met with a lawyer last Thursday about a divorce. I filled out all the necessary paperwork and gave it to her. She told me should would call in a few days to have me come back and sign the documents that were going to be filed with the court. Thursday was an emotionally draining day, the divorce is no doubt in the best interest of the children and myself, but no less, it is the hardest thing I have ever done. The lawyer called me Friday morning to tell me that the paperwork was ready to be signed. Just like that, just that quick.
I know that my hardest day has not arrived, and I pray for forgiveness and His grace through this process. I pray that my husband turns his life around, makes good choices, and above all can live a life for Christ. And my heart is still broken.
The boys have been told and they are OK. They know that the divorce is in no way their fault and has no bearing on my love for them or his love for them. And my heart is still broken.
I pray that God lead my footsteps down this very narrow path and bring me to His throne. Broken and battered is the way we approach it sometimes and I accept those conditions.
And my heart is still broken.

Please pray for Bill and I as we go down this road, that we put the well being of the boys ahead of our own wants and needs. Pray that our actions through this will be edifying to Christ in this worst situation that any can imagine in a marriage.
Pray that a broken heart be healed the way that only Christ knows how to heal.

New Niece

2007-01-23T13:04:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I am a little late posting this. I have a new niece. My only birth niece, but she is just adorable.

Her name is Daryan ~

Reflection

2007-01-08T20:16:00.000-05:00

I have done much praying about the past year. Asking God to keep me on the right path, His path, the narrow way. In thinking of the past year I have reflected on my many discoveries, heartaches, celebrations, and victories.

I try to focus on the celebrations and victories. Over the last two months it is the heartaches that are on the fore-front of my mind every day. I have a few close male friends and family members. Over the last few months all but one have been told by their wives that their marriage was over. Just like that, over, the love gone. How? Why? When? Who? I realize that all of them are non-believers, all. All of them watching me walk with Christ, every day. All of them have been witnessed to, by me, being told by me that I do not take care of things, God does. All of them over the years have watched my walk, my devotion, and my unconditional love for my husband, despite years of abuse, mistreatment, and control by a man who claims to LOVE me. And now I watch as their heart breaks and their world cracks apart, because they don't have a relationship with the Lord. Why is it that their pain hurts me more than the loss of a marriage to a man that I still love, will always love, and have loved for years?

SUBMISSION TO CHRIST~

Danielle, http://unfailinglovemusings.blogspot.com/ has hit the nail on the head, time and time again, putting into words what my heart is feeling, yet my brain can not express.

Lord, I surrender my heart,mind, eyes, and ears to You.

Quiet my lips Lord, let me speak Your words,

Guide me feet Lord, let me walk Your path,

Open my heart Lord, so I may shine of Your light,

and most of all Lord, help me to LOVE, unconditionally, without caution.

John 13:

5 After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded.

13 Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am.
14 If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's.

Lord, please bathe me, wash me, cleanse me, so I may be rested and go into the world and bathe, wash and cleanse others in Your name.

Amen

Burglar Alert

2006-12-27T07:00:00.000-05:00

My sister-in-law gave us 2 boxes of candy canes to put on the Christmas tree on Tuesday night.

This is an actual phone conversation between middle child and I last Wednesday afternoon~

Me~ Hello
Blake~ Mom, someone broke in the house!
M~ WHAT
B~Someone broke in the house and knocked the Christmas tree over
M~ Is anything missing?
B~ I don't know
M~ Go in my room, is the TV in there? Is the computer still there?
B~ Yes
M~ Go in your room, is the TV and Playstation there?
B~ Yes
M~ Go upstairs, is everything in the entertainment center?
B~ Yes
M~ No one broke in the house, the cat probably knocked the tree over
B~ Mom, there is trash from the bathroom all over in the hallway and the candy canes are gone from the tree!

(laughing at this point)
M~ OH MY GOODNESS! The candy cane burglar broke in the house, stole all the candy canes, call the police~
(not amused at my sarcasm)
B~ MOM!!!!! Stop it, it's not funny, someone broke in and stole our candy canes!
M~ I am sorry, you are right, it is not funny, was the dog in the house when you got home?
B~Yes
M~ Does she smell like peppermint?
B~ Whatever mom, I have to go! Bye~

At least now when my dog passes gas, she smells like a candy cane~

Mental note, no candy canes on the tree next year, he he~

2006-12-25T21:01:00.000-05:00

I am so blessed. I could tell you for hours and days and months all the blessings that the Lord has given to my family.

Four days ago, I was given an opportunity to explain the ultimate love of our Lord, our Heavenly Father to Dalton. My 7 yr old was asking for nothing more than a father who loved him. That is his reality. What a more perfect time of year to explain John 3:16. Everyone knows that verse. Some never make it personal, make a connection, make it real. I made it real to a boy searching for love. God knows what we need, He provides, and He NEVER fails. He delivered Christmas to my boys. The children that He has allowed me to teach, love, guide, and mentor. All three claim it to be the best year they ever remember, and I know that is not of me, it is ALL of God. God knows hearts, and this year, my heart's focus is to be closer to God. A personal, intimate relationship with Christ.

I Samuel 16:7

7 But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

2006-12-17T20:51:00.000-05:00

Look at what I have for the first time in nine years. If you guessed kids, your wrong, I have had them. It is a Christmas tree. That is right, and not only do I have one (thanks to Holly), I have two. Yep, Holly gave me one and Blake's friends mom gave me a 7' artificial tree today. They even helped me move furniture around to fit it in my living room. Both trees came with lights and Ken us some ribbons and decorations for the tree. I need to invest in a couple of angels, don't the santa hats look great on top the trees. He he. MaBarker's personal touches.

I am very blessed to have the great friends that I have. God ALWAYS knows what we need and just when we need it, and this year, a CHRISTmas tree was needed in our house. I will invest in a few clearance items after the holidays to start a collection of decorations. My sister-in-law went through her wall and shelf decorations and gave me quite a few things to get me going.

Now that I see these pictures I see a few improvements that could be made to the little tree. I will post some photos of the updates soon.

Luke 2

Luke 2:1-21
1 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.
2 (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)
3And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
4 And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)
5 To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
6 And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
7 And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
15 And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.
16 And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.
17 And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.
18 And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.
19 But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.
20 And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.
21 And when eight days were accomplished for the circumcising of the child, his name was called JESUS, which was so named of the angel before he was conceived in the womb.

I can't wait to have my wings

2006-12-11T15:57:00.000-05:00

I learned so many things while on my first plane ride. One is always keep your camera handy, I did not get photos from the air. The second is, as fast as planes go, you don't feel like you are going that fast, and that blows me away.
Dallas is beautiful, the weather was warm (70) and I would pack my bags and move right now if I had a job there. People are so friendly and just plain caring and nice. We ate at a Tex-Mex restaurant for lunch on Wednesday and we ate at Landry's for dinner on Wednesday night. I have linked their website http://www.landrysrestaurants.com/home.htm The restaurant is a seafood place, but I had the best filet that I never had to pay for. (Two thumbs up in my book) I did not spend a dime on the trip. My boss (who is the world's best) bought me a book to read on the plane. Thanks to my Aunt Becky, I love books, just never have the time to read, but I finished the book on the plane ride out and back. It was a good thriller called Got the Look by James Grippando.
I will most definately fly again, and I want to thank everyone for all the prayers, my flight was calm and relaxing, God was and is in control.
We went to a place called Sergeants http://www.sergeantswestern.com/ and we had a blast. Tom (our salesman) Patti (our boss) Alan (my partner on GameStop) and I goofed around and laughed our hind ends off all night. We are such a pack of misfits when we all get together. I didn't take many photos and I completely regret that, but it was a much needed two days off (even though it was for work) I will post some pictures that Tom took when I get them from him.

An all new first for me

2006-12-04T06:54:00.000-05:00

Yep, that's right. I am taking my very first flight on an airplane on Wednesday. It is for work and we are flying to Dallas, TX. I am nervous, excited, and stressed out about how to pack and what I can pack. We are carrying on our luggage, and from what I understand that gets a little restrictive as to what you can bring. I will have lots of pictures to share with you all when I get back.
Please pray for the boys while I am away, it is only overnight, but they don't like me being at work.... and now I will be half way across the country.

Here is a great shot of the some of the family on Thanksgiving.

From left to right, Blake, Charity, Betsy, Tyler, Sarah, Jen, Noah, and Dalton down in front between Blake and Tyler.

And this is me using the magic AUNTIE touch on baby Ella, putting her right to sleep after a long afternoon.

Psalm 16:1

2006-11-10T12:25:00.000-05:00

Psalm 16:1

Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust.

Some people touring a mint where coins are made come to the smelting area. As they stood before the cauldrons filled with molten metal, the tour guide explained that if a person were to dip his hand into water and them have someone pour the hot liquid over his hand, he would neither be injured not feel any pain. Picking out one couple, he asked if they would like to prove what he had just said. "No thank you," the husband quickly said. "I'll take your word for it." But his wife responded eagerly. "Sure, I'll give it a try." Matching actions to her words, she thrust her hand into a bucket of water and then held it out as the molten metal was poured over it. The hot liquid rolled off harmlessly just as the guide had said it would. The host turned to the husband and remarked, "Sir, you claimed to believe what I said. But your wife truly trusted."

If we only claim to believe God's promises but never act on them, we will miss out on His marvelous blessings.

Richard W. De Haan

Daily Bread

2006-11-06T07:51:00.000-05:00

Isaiah 54: 4

4 Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more.

Two men walking down a country road decided to take a shortcut home. They passed through a field where a number of cattle were grazing. Deeply engrossed in conversation when they reached the other side of the pasture, they forgot to shut the gate behind them. A few minutes later one of them noticed the oversight and ran back to close the gate. As he did, he remembered the last words of an old friend who summoned all his children to his bedside and gave them this wise counsel: "As you trvel down life's pathway, remember to close the gates behind you"
The man knew that problems, difficult situations, heartbreaks, and failures were inevitable, but he wanted his children to know that they didn't have to allow those things to follow them through life.
This is especially true for believers. Once we have confessed a sin and have done what we can to right the wrong, we must put the incident behind us. - Richard W. De Haan

We invite defeat when we remember what we should forget.

2006-10-31T09:51:00.000-05:00

These are my two favorite western movies. Lonesome Dove and McLintock. I was asking because I haven't seen either one in so long and they came to mind yesterday. I could watch them every single day. I never watched a western until I was in my 20's and just fell in love with both of these. I don't watch many movies, so when I do, they have to be good. Have you seen any good movies lately?

Favorite Western

2006-10-30T14:35:00.000-05:00

Everyone tell me...... what is your favorite western movie.. new, old... doesn't matter....

Alone Time

2006-10-19T14:53:00.000-05:00

I long for alone time with my Father, one on one. Me and Him. Knowing that no matter where I am, He is always with me.

John 8:29

29 And he that sent me is with me: the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him.

Prayer's partners needed

2006-10-11T11:50:00.000-05:00

Please pray for Loner's family, her father is battling cancer.

Visit her here
http://lonersridge.blogspot.com/

I know we can lift up lots of prayers for a sister in Christ.

At peace

2006-10-03T12:04:00.000-05:00

If I could pick one happy place, here is what it would look like. Beautiful, and I am finally at a point where I am here. Comfortable with my placement on my journey.

Daddy's Little Girl

2006-09-26T07:53:00.002-05:00

Today on my way to work my dad came to my mind. My heart aches at how I have made bad choices in life that have hurt and disappointed him. When I was younger the sun would rise and set with my dad. A disappointing look on his face would hurt me more than any punishment he could have given me.
I thought of him this morning because I rarely heard him say "I love you", I just always knew he did.
I tell my boys every time they leave or I leave, or we talk on the phone. I don't ever want them to feel like they could lose my love, ever.
I am so thankful to God that I have the dad I have, and want him to know how appreciative I am that he made the sacrifices he did for me.

I love you dad~

Peeling back the layers and your left with......

2006-09-20T05:51:00.000-05:00

Kutless - Strong Tower Lyrics

When I wander through the desert
And I'm longing for my home
All my dreams have gone astray

When I'm stranded in the valley
And I'm tired and all alone
It seems like I've lost my way

I go running to Your mountain
Where Your mercy sets me free

[chorus]

You are my strong tower
Shelter over me
Beautiful and mighty
Everlasting King
You are my strong tower
Fortress when I'm weak
Your name is true and holy
And Your face is all I seek

In the middle of my darkness
In the midst of all my fear
You're my refuge and my hope
When the storm of life is raging
And the thunder's all I hear
You speak softly to my soul

And Your face is all I seek

Extremely busy

2006-09-19T08:29:00.000-05:00

I apologize for my absence and I will try to do better in the coming months.

My thoughts for the day....

Proverbs 3: 1-7
1 My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments:
2 For length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee.
3 Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart:
4 So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man.
5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

All I want for Christmas

2006-09-11T06:49:00.000-05:00

Before with only one tooth missing......

And now with two.... ha ha~ What a doll!

Let's clear this up!

2006-08-29T11:50:00.000-05:00

Loner left a comment,

Oh yea - for a second, I thought you had gotten a nose ring!

Well, guess what, I DID.

I have wanted to get my nose pierced for a few years and because of jobs and husband, I never did. Now I have a job that allows them, and no husband's opinion to tell me otherwise. The boys are hilarious about it, and their friends are even funnier.
It amazes me how people truly judge you differently because of a piercing.
My question being~ does my nose ring separate me from God?
Thoughts and comments please, oh and I will try to take a better photo of the new piercing. The birthday photo is OK, but no makeup, yuck!

My Birthday

2006-08-23T05:47:00.000-05:00

So, let recap, last Friday was my birthday. Every year I get all excited about my birthday and get my feelings hurt when no one (husband) does anything special for me on MY day. I always say that it is no big deal, but when I get nothing, well quite frankly, it turns to heart ache.
Well guess what, this year, with hubby in jail, I expected nothing for my birthday, nothing. I had the best birthday that I have had in years. The top picture is a dreadful birthday girl, pre-makeup of course.

The next two pictures are of two of the four (that is right, I got FOUR cakes on my birthday) cakes that I got on my day. The white one is a marble cake from Holly and was yummy. Holly is so cool, she made me feel so special on my day, I can not thank her enough.

And the chocolate one is from Bob at work and it is called "Death by Chocolate", and was awesome. Bob is the head designer at my work and he is a super cool and sweet man, who's gesture of a cake warmed my heart.

And this is a picture of Blake wearing my new hat and watch that I got with a gift certificate from Mike and Jen. Isn't he just too cute and such a show off like his mommy.

I was taken out to lunch by Tom, Patti, and Alan to a great Italian (my fav) restaurant, and they bought me another cake, that was white and had strawberry filling in it, again, very yummy.

I got cards, balloons, and precious Holly got me a gift card to Meijer. I got home to find another cake, homeade, from my niece Betsy.

I learned this year, I do get a special day, I think everyone should, I know I needed that pat on the back!

The Narrow Way

2006-08-14T05:58:00.000-05:00

Matthew 7: 15 - 23

15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
16 Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

Our Pastor spoke on these verses yesterday, and he said something that really hit home.
I know who the Lord is, but I want to make sure that He knows who I am.

Amen

This one bears repeating~

2006-08-10T13:54:00.000-05:00

What do you call your God today?

King of Kings, Prince of Peace, Comforter, Wonderful,Counselor, The Way The Truth and The Life, I AM, Advocate, Living Water, Bread of Life, Savior, Redeemer, The Cornerstone, High Priest, Good Shepherd, Immanual (God with us), Lion of the tribe of Judah, The Light of the World, Healer and Father.

We want Him to be all of these things at the drop of a hat, and He is. He fulfills His promise. I think we forget that for Him to be all these things, there HAS to be trials and tribulation. He is a Savior because we are sinners, He is a healer because we are ill or wounded, He is the Good Shepherd because we are lost, He is a Father because He loves and creates, and He is Comforter because we are out of our comfort zone. And I thank Him for it. How else would I grow and become close to Him by being content with the things of this world. I would have never come to know Him without trials and tribulations. Thank Him today for what He is to you, and thank Him for being Faithful to every promise given.

God's Beauty again

2006-08-09T07:14:00.000-05:00

Below are two pictures to serve as a reminder of God's beauty. The top photo is from Monday night as Dalton, Travis and I took a drive through the country, looking for deer. The bottom picture was the sunrise on Tuesday morning as I drove into work. It was like God was saying GOOD MORNING!

Long exhausting weekend!

2006-08-07T13:24:00.000-05:00

Played in a softball tournament this weekend, one game on Friday night and five games on Saturday. I have come to one conclusion.

I am to fat and old to play softball from 9-6 with only 30-45 minute breaks in between. I am sore and moving verrrry slowly. I also think I over worked that torn achilles tendon, but all in all I needed the exercise. I have now lost about 8 lbs in the last three weeks. YEAH

Then yesterday the boys and I went to the North American Signs summer picnic at Hacker's in Niles. Hacker's has minature golf, batting cages, go-carts, driving range, and an arcade. They catered in chicken, sausage, corn on the cob, coleslaw, chips, and watermelon and pie. YUMMY. I have uploaded some of the fun photos.

Above are Tyler and Blake chowing down!
And below is Dalton playing minature golf (he is the white Tiger Woods) Holly, one of the sweetest people I have ever met, and Dalton driving the go carts.

They had so much fun, I think Dalton was doing more of the driving (control freak, like his mom).

Blake and Tyler rode the go-carts several times. They all had a blast!

Our Trip to Wisconsin!!!

2006-08-02T11:20:00.000-05:00

I went to Green Bay on a business trip Monday, we had a blast. Alan who works on the GameStop account with me and Tom who is our salesman went to. We had a blast, I haven't laughed that much in a long time. Here are some pictures of our activities.

These are from Lambeau Field, home of the Green Bay Packers, and the Packer Hall of Fame.
The corn cob car was in the small town of Bonduel, WI (population 1210). The have a corn roast coming up and the Lions Club made this car years ago. It was great.

Tom and Alan were trying on all different kinds of cheese hats... too funny!!!!! I missed the boys greatly but all in all I had a good 2 day trip.

Praise for brothers and sisters in Christ

2006-07-26T12:42:00.000-05:00

I am praising the Lord today for brothers and sisters in Christ. I am constantly amazed at the people that the Lord introduces me to. My husband's family is just awesome, and Sandy and Nancy who are just so helpful to me ALL the time. They are so genuinely concerned about the children and I that I am always awstruck by their generosity.
I pray that I may be as much of a blessing to them and to other as they are to me. Lord give me the strength and wisdom to shut my mouth Lord and listen to the needs of others and pass on the blessing Lord that you have passed on to me.

Must have taken it forgranted!

2006-07-24T06:30:00.000-05:00

Saturday, normal day at the Barker house, Ex came and stayed to spend time with the boys, Danny spent the weekend, so in short, house FULL. Tyler, Blake and Danny all took showers around noon, I was doing laundry and went to do the dishes and low and behold NO HOT WATER. I had not had a shower yet and it was nearing 5. Long story short my breaker went bad, sweet heart brother-in-law came and saved the day, I have hot water again. Tyler, Blake and Danny spent the night Saturday walking for Relay for Life. My niece Laura, her fiance, Ben, and her daughter Gwyneth came over later in the evening on Saturday too. Busy weekend, exactly what I need to keep my mind off of other things right now.

Tyler has decided that he wants to play tennis, so I went to the local thrift store and bought him a tennis racket. Blake decided to walk the Relay for Life with SPIKED hair. lol. That kid is too funny. Danny helped EX move Blakes bedroom upstairs, no more fights about who made the mess. Now Blake shares the upstairs with the living room, and for the mean time everyone is happy. Gwyneth is just adorable and Blake and Danny had a blast playing with her before they left for the walk that night.

I know~

2006-07-21T13:53:00.000-05:00

You are 100% Leo

How Leo Are You?

Praising God

2006-07-21T06:34:00.000-05:00

This morning I am praising God for a hot shower. Running water is something that I never want to take forgranted. I had a ball game last night (we won) and have been emotionally drained and overwhelmed with the heartache of my marriage all week. So at 10:30 last night I hit the shower. Crying, letting the water wash away the stress, I praised God that I live in a country that I have a home, a shower, and hot running water that provides me the opportunity to feel as though I can de-stress even if for only a few minutes until I step gently out of the tub, back into reality.

Look at the Progress

2006-07-20T06:09:00.000-05:00

We have lived in our home for 2 1/2 years and have not had a place to set up the kitchen table since we moved in. My kitchen is very small and there is no dining room, so when I moved in we set up the kitchen table in the basement for me to fold laundry on. I grew up eating in our living room and I hate that, so I want to raise my kids to sit around a table and talk and enjoy dinners as a family. So I took action this week.

Ever since my mom moved out the upstairs of my house has been empty. Not anymore. I moved the TV, stereo, VCR and DVD player upstairs, moved the couch in the living room and brought my kitchen table up from the basement. And look at the great results. I love it. No TV, and a great place to gather.
TODAY I PRAISE THE LORD FOR THE KITCHEN TABLE. (I think that Smores does too, naughty cat)

And a great game of Chutes and Ladders.

Happy and Sad

2006-07-18T11:05:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been sad that a chapter in your life is closing but then you know that it is for the best and you have to do it for the best. Still doesn't make the hurt stop.

One week down

2006-07-17T06:49:00.000-05:00

Last Monday was my ONE YEAR SMOKE FREE day. So in honor of me quitting smoking for one year, I decided to use that date to start my HEALTHY EATING. I am going to drop the weight that I gained when I quit smoking if it kills me. So after a week here is what I learned. I replaced nicotene with carbs. I love carbs, and not eating them is hard. I mean extremely hard. My neighbor gave me a Curves book that she bought when she joined and not that I am dieting or following that plan, but I just sat down and read it. I am a carb junkie, addict, dependant. I have learned in a week that finding good to eat, inexpensive, low carb foods is hard. I will not be measuring my weight loss by pounds but rather by the size of my clothes. So I will be giving updates and would appreciate all the prayers that you can send. This is a total mind transformation and laying down of myself to Christ and being submissive to His will.
It is no wonder that we as a country are so out of control with our weight when it is cheaper and more convienent to swing by McDonalds and get a Big Mac and SUPERSIZED fries than it is to eat healthy.
Update on how I feel. I feel good. I can tell in my clothes and how they fit that I am losing weight already. Lots of water and lots of chicken and broccoli. Cucumbers and salads. I am not holding back if I feel I want something, just controlling my portions. It feels good, and I don't have near the cravings for those nasty carbs now as I did one week ago. That in itself feels great. I will upload photos from the weekend.

Praise be to God

2006-07-11T07:55:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful that the Lord has shown me the path of righteousness and that I don't have to wonder about where I will spend my eternity.

Psalm 5
1 Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation.
2 Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray.
3 My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.
4 For thou art not a God that hath pleasure in wickedness: neither shall evil dwell with thee.
5 The foolish shall not stand in thy sight: thou hatest all workers of iniquity.
6 Thou shalt destroy them that speak leasing: the LORD will abhor the bloody and deceitful man.
7 But as for me, I will come into thy house in the multitude of thy mercy: and in thy fear will I worship toward thy holy temple.
8 Lead me, O LORD, in thy righteousness because of mine enemies; make thy way straight before my face.
9 For there is no faithfulness in their mouth; their inward part is very wickedness; their throat is an open sepulchre; they flatter with their tongue.
10 Destroy thou them, O God; let them fall by their own counsels; cast them out in the multitude of their transgressions; for they have rebelled against thee.
11 But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.
12 For thou, LORD, wilt bless the righteous; with favour wilt thou compass him as with a shield.

Coming Soon!!!

2006-07-06T13:02:00.000-05:00

This is my niece, Betsy, and as you can see she is pregnant. She is in the hospital today, induced into labor. YEAH.. So coming soon a beautiful baby girl, her name to be Ella Rose. Below is a picture of Betsy's husband, Justin and their first child Noah at Noah's 2nd birthday party. I am so excited for the new baby girl to be here~

Clarification on Husbands

2006-07-05T12:52:00.000-05:00

Sorry, I forgot to be more clear. Keith is my ex-husband. I was married to him at 18 and divorced from him at 21. My oldest two children, Tyler and Blake, are his children. Bill is my current husband, he is in jail and fights an addiction to crack. Dalton is his child. It has been a long road to where I am, and I have a long road ahead. Looking at the photo of Bill gives me so many overwhelming emotions, but most of all breaks my heart. (Sorry about the goofy look on Dalton's face, they were both caught off guard... HE HE)

Pictures from the 4th

2006-07-05T07:24:00.000-05:00

Ha, we had so much fun this 4th. The boys (Tyler and Blake) dad came over Monday night and we took all the kids including Danny to go see the fireworks. Here are some highlights. Notice my little gymnist with the sparkler in his hand.
Keith (the EX) stayed the night and took all the boys to breakfast yesterday morning. I am glad that after the bumpy road through seperation and divorce that we can finally be friends. We stayed up until 3 am just talking about silly things from the past. He has finally started to grow up in the past year and realize that the kids should come first. I no longer call him donor. I am sun burnt from yesterday and tired from the long weekend, but we all had a great time. I will post more photos later. Maybe even one of me.

How True

2006-07-03T08:02:00.000-05:00

You are a Believer

You believe in God and your chosen religion.Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Hindu..Your convictions are strong and unwavering.You think your religion is the one true way, for everyone.

What's" Your Religious Philosophy?

Scary, I have talked about writing books....YIKES

2006-07-03T07:55:00.000-05:00

You Are Likely an Only Child

At your darkest moments, you feel frustrated.At work and school, you do best when you're organizing.When you love someone, you tend to worry about them.
In friendship, you are emotional and sympathetic.Your ideal careers are: radio announcer, finance, teaching, ministry, and management.You will leave your mark on the world with organizational leadership, maybe as the author of self-help books.

The Birth Order Predictor

I knew I was Type A

2006-07-03T07:50:00.000-05:00

You Have A Type A- Personality

You are one of the most balanced people aroundMotivated and focused, you are good at getting what you wantYou rule at success, but success doesn't rule you.
When it's playtime, you really know how to kick backWhether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love!You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

And yet another, these are surprisingly true

2006-07-03T07:47:00.000-05:00

Your Life Path Number is 3

Your purpose in life is to express your unique self.
You are a creative and artistic person with an interesting view on life.Witty and outgoing, you enjoy sharing your crazy ideas with anyone who will listen.A total social butterfly, you're the life of any party.
In love, you inspire and enchant your partner. You are often an object of fantasy and desire.
While you are very talented, you sometimes lack the ambition to put your talents in play.And while your wit carries you a long way, you occasionally use it to mask your true feelings.Your natural abilities can bring you all the success in the world ... if you let them

What Is Your Life Path Number?

Ha Ha, playing with all these silly tests

2006-07-03T07:43:00.000-05:00

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant.Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle.You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs.
For you, comfort and calm are very important.You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection.You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Blog Things, just having fun today~

2006-07-03T07:15:00.000-05:00

How You Life Your Life

You have a good sense of self control and hate to show weakness.You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

How Do You Live Your Life?

So I chilled!

2006-07-03T05:52:00.000-05:00

Ok, this weekend was just crazy.
Friday, go home, hustled Blake some money (at Danny's) to go to the movies, took Tyler and Aaron (his best-friend) to Aaron's house, oh yeah, forgot to add, I picked up Travis while at Danny's, went to Wal-Mart (love that place), headed home.
My entire weekend was all planned out, and then it all changed. Supposed to spend time with the EX and the boys, plans changed. Supposed to go camping, weather looked bad, plans changed.
Blake called, not going to movie, going to river to fish. Travis, Dalton and I stayed up late watching movies and hanging out.
Slept in until 9:30 on Saturday, got up, cleaned out the garage. This was hard, there were lots of rubber-maid totes full of misc things (tools, nails, screws) that Bill had just dumped in order to sell his tool boxes. I have been putting off sorting them out because I felt it was his mess. So clean I did. Felt good to go through all that stuff and organize, kind of letting go I suppose. Anyway, I pulled all the stuff to the front lawn (for sun purposes) and got to sorting. Called Jeff (a good friend) and said "come over, I have FREE stuff for you". I think Scottie beamed him there, he was that fast. Mission accomplished, stuff sorted, took Travis, Dalton and dog for a ride. No camping, so Dalton, Blake and I went to Danny's All-Star game in Bridgman, came home and went to sleep.
Sunday, again due to weather, no cookout. So I stayed home and cooked. Dalton helped me to make cupcakes, jello and my homeade potatoes (yummy).
Oh, and the part that makes me go AAAARRRRGGGHHH. I made three pounds of Taco meat last night. I went to drain some of the fat off the top and my skillet broke, dumped the meat all over the floor. Thank God the dog (garbabge disposal) was out side. She would have ended up with gas to kill all of China. So much for tacos. Nikita would have been in heaven though.

Watched Chronicles of Narnia with Tyler and Dalton, then watched Failure to Launch with Tyler. Went to bed and now up and at em at work. Long weekend filled with no real excitement, and yet I loved it, and Praise God for weekends filled with nothing.

After thought ....passion

2006-06-29T05:45:00.000-05:00

I think I need to rephrase ~ I feel old at 30! There I said it. 30 is most definately NOT old, but I feel old. Life lessons and such, I just feel old. Just in the past 13 years I have overcome more than most people will endure in a life time, and I am tired.
One of my favorite verses in the bible is :
Matthew 11: 28-30
28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
And this was my thoughts on the way to work today.
Passion
Sometimes the fire seems dim, we are exhausted, tired and just plain out of energy. We want to rest. Thank the Lord that Jesus had Passion ~ true unconditional passion. He never lost it NEVER. He knew what had to be done, and carried it out with ferverent passion to His death. What an inspiring role model. Beaten, bloody, abused, harassed, bludgened, and yet still passionate about His mission.
How often do we lose our passion, or just ask to take a break from it because our lives are too busy (with the things of the world). I do it all the time. Just wanting life to slow down, not realizing that Christ first makes all the sense. It is hard to take the steps to put it into action, and yet makes all the sense in the world.
So thoughts???, comments???? Am I crazy???

Birthday Request

2006-06-28T11:27:00.000-05:00

OK ~
Some of you have requested to know when my birthday is!

Let me give you some stats first.

By my birthday this year I will have a 13 yr old, an 11 yr old, and a 7 yr old. I will be 31, married twice, divorced once. I finally own (am in debt for) my first house, and have the best job that I have ever had. I have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior and am striving to spend the rest of my life telling His love story. I have accepted that there is a differnece between real life and fantasy ~ and can tell the difference. By my birthday this year, I will have a grasp on the fact that my oldest is 13 and I should not be old enough to have a 13 yr old child. For my birthday this year, I will make the above pictured cake, because I think it is really cool.

Is thirty supposed to feel this old?

August 18th

Randoms about me

2006-06-27T06:40:00.000-05:00

1. I am almost officially over 30. (I count thirty as not being over) 31 this year...ugghh
2. I have a fear of heights
3. I have never flown, and am about to. YIKES!
4. I love to love.
5. I am picky about how my towels are folded.
6. I love to cook and bake, and have the hips to prove it.
7. I am deeply moved by Christian music, if you pass me in my car and I am crying, now you know why.
8. I forgive because I am forgiven. I always remind myself of this when I am withholding forgiveness.
9. I grew up in a small town where everyone knows your name.
10. I miss my family, deeply, and feel as though I have failed them in many ways.
11. I love to make a child smile, even my own.
12. I will not allow the wrong man to enter the lives of my children - EVER again.
13. I love this number, my oldest son was born on Friday the 13th.
14. I hate that in this blog the letter I was used so much and it should be more in reference to Christ.
15. Starting July 10th (my one year smoke free date) I am going to lose the weight that I gained from the emotional rollercoaster that I have lived the past decade. YEAH~
16. I love Bill's family ~ Can't I just stay married to them?
17. I have to get to work....

After a long exahusting week and weekend

2006-06-26T07:26:00.000-05:00

From left to right are some of my nieces and nephews. Betsy, Michael, Daryl (who passed away), Charity, Sarah (she has the best name), and Jonathon. My sister-in-law has six kids, Katie is the only one not shown in this photo, and the spouses of Betsy and Michael are not in the photo either.

Has your weekend ever ended and you thought, wow I need to unwind? Yep, that sums up my weekend.
Emotionally drained~

Funerals just take it out of ya. I am thankful that Daryl is in heaven with the Lord and his suffering is over.

The crew

2006-06-22T07:40:00.000-05:00

Top in the maroon shirt is Blake, red shirt is Tyler, tan shirt is Danny, green shirt is Travis, and blue shirt is Dalton. This is my crew of boys. I love them all the same, and they are all very different and each has a unique personality. I just glow when I see all my boys together, even though I only gave birth to Tyler, Blake and Dalton, I couldn't ask for two better additions than these two.

Scary thought!

2006-06-21T10:21:00.000-05:00

Death

2006-06-20T14:50:00.000-05:00

Don't really do death well. Not sure why, I know that those who beleive go to heaven with the Lord, and yet I still feel such sorrow. I am thankful that I feel these emotions and that I recognize them and I have enough maturity to give them to Jesus.

John 3:36 He who believes in the Son has everlasting life; and he who does not believe in the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him.

I John 5:13 These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life, and that you may continue to believe in the name of the Son of God.

John 5:24 Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life.

I John 3:24 Now he who keeps His commandments abides in Him, and He in him. And by this we know that He abides in us, by the Spirit whom He has given us.

Acts 16:31 So they said, “ Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.”

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ dies for us.

Hurting Heart

2006-06-20T11:05:00.000-05:00

Much of You by Steven Curtis Chapman
How could I stand here
And watch the sun rise
Follow the mountains
Where they touch the sky
Ponder the vastness
And the depths of the sea
And think for a moment
The point of it all was to make much of me
Cause I'm just a whisper
And You are the thunder andI want to make much of You, Jesus
I want to make much of Your love
I want to live today to give You the praise
That You alone are so worthy of

I want to make much of Your mercy
I want to make much of Your cross
I give You my life
Take it and let it be used
To make much of You

And how can I kneel here
And think of the cross
The thorns and the whip and the nails and the spear
The infinite cost
To purchase my pardon
And bear all my shame
To think I have anything worth boasting in except for Your name
Cause I am a sinner
And You are the Savior

I want to make much of You, Jesus
I want to make much of Your love
I want to live today to give You the praise
That You alone are so worthy of
I want to make much of Your mercy
I want to make much of Your cross
I give You my life
Take it and let it be used
To make much of You

This is Your love, oh God
Not to make much of me
But to send Your own son
So that we could make much of You
For all eternity

I want to make much of You Jesus
I want to make much of Your love
I want to live today to give You the praise
That You alone are so worthy of

I want to make much of Your mercy
I want to make much of Your cross
I give You my life
Take it and let it be used
To make much of You
I want to make much of You
Much of You Jesus

Farewell

2006-06-19T08:34:00.000-05:00

My beautiful nephew went home to be with the Lord last night. It is his heavenly birthday. My heart is heavy with grief and yet happy that his suffering the battle of cancer is over. Please pray for his wife (my niece) Charity as she has many hard decisions to make over the next few weeks and months. Their love for the Lord and each other was a shining example of the LOVE of God. Please continue to pray for the family as the mourning process has begun and healing and growing in the grace of Christ will start. Thank you again for all the prayer support.

Pictures from the yard

2006-06-16T07:18:00.000-05:00

Look at the beauties that I found in my yard last night. The lily is one that Tyler planted a couple of years back. It is the lone flower on the front of the house and the rose bush, well lets just say - Hats off to my brother who told me to cut it way back last year. I slaughtered it and look at it now. I am going to go get a trellis so it stands beautifully. Who would have thunk that MY BROTHER knows about plants. What a good guy.

Pictures of Tux and Smores

2006-06-15T12:21:00.000-05:00

I think my cats love each other!
They sit in the window together and chase each other all over the house, Smores even gives the new kitty a bath!

How Often I Need These Reminders!

2006-06-15T08:01:00.000-05:00

Prescribed by the Great Physician
The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...
- Noah was a drunk
- Abraham was too old
- Isaac was a daydreamer
- Jacob was a liar
- Joseph was abused
- Moses had a stuttering problem
- Gideon was afraid
- Samson was a womanizer
- Rahab was a prostitute
- Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
- David had an affair and was a murderer
- Elijah was suicidal
- Isaiah preached naked (heheheh!)
- Jonah ran from God
- Naomi was a widow
- Job went bankrupt
- Peter denied Christ
- The Disciples fell asleep while praying
- Martha worried about everything
- Mary Magdalene was... well, you know.
- The Samaritan woman was divorced (more than once)
- Zaccheus was too small
- Paul was too religious
- Timothy had an ulcer..
- AND Lazarus was dead!

So what's YOUR excuse?
God can use you to your full potential. Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger.
1. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
2. Dear God, I have a problem and it's me!
3. Growing old is inevitable; growing UP is optional.
4. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.
5. Silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted.
6. Do the math; count your blessings.
7. Faith eliminates panic.
8. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.
9. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you pray, don't worry.
10. As a child of God, prayer is like calling home everyday.
11. Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.
12. The most important things in your house are the people.
13 When you get tangled in problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.
14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.
15 He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

The SON is shining and He can certainly use you!

Praying to the porcelin God!

2006-06-14T14:22:00.000-05:00

I was out sick yesterday, and I mean sick. I could not get out of bed without throwing up. I think that God was telling me to slow down, so I put the brakes on and stayed at home in bed all day, slept. Still not up to par today, but I am at work. Belly grumbling, and the gut who sits next to me is eating cheese and crackers... how rude!

Proud Mama Edited

2006-06-08T13:09:00.000-05:00

The top picture is from left to right is Daniel Bonek, Alex Eager, Jeff Mucha and my son, BLAKE on the right. These pictures are from the awards ceremony at school today.
Blake won awards for Safety Patrol, creating a peaceful school to learn and play, best effort in his class, National Physical Fitness, Student Council Representative, President's Education for Outstanding Academic Excellence, and he won the school spirit award. The last award was chosen by the principal and only one is given each year.
Dalton won the Golden Apple award. One student from each class is selected for this award based off of attitude and efforts and being a role model in school and out of school. The bottom picture is all the children who won. Dalton is in the black shirt in the front row leaning on Nikki Mucha's shoulder.

Edited:
Tyler came home with 2 awards yesterday also. One for being on the honor roll all year with a grade point average between 3.00 and 3.49. And one for doing so well on his MEAP scores. YEAH.
I am so proud of all that they have accomplished and the fact that they do it for God's glory. They have such a grasp on their faith and beliefs. They have survived a lot in the past few years and have proven that trust in the Lord and He will succeed.
So we celebrated last night with a movie - Over the Hedge. It was not the best movie I have ever seen, but it was cute.

To the tee today!

2006-06-07T08:13:00.000-05:00

Jeremy Camp - My Desire

You want to be real, you want to be empty inside
You want to be someone laying down your pride
You want to be someone someday
Then lay it all down before the king

You want to be whole, you want to have purpose inside
You want to have virtue and purify your mind
You want to be set free today
Then lay it all down before the king

Chorus
This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire to be used by you

You want to be real, you want to be empty inside
And I know my heart is to feel you near
And I know my life
It's to do your will
It's to do your will

Chorus
2X

All my life I have seen
Where you've taken me
Beyond all I have hoped
And there's more left unseen
There's not much I can do to repay all you've done
So I give my hands to use

Prayer's needed!

2006-06-06T09:28:00.000-05:00

I have a few prayer request today and am asking for those of you who stop by to lift these people up in prayer.

All of these have to do with cancer.

My nephew Daryl, he is in his 40's and has been fighting lung cancer. He was taken to the hospital last Thursday with pnemonia, the doctors have given him one to two weeks to live. He knows the Lord and is in a great deal of pain. My niece, his wife is in her late 20's and is not handling all this well.

Ashli - http://www.heplera.blogspot.com/
She is a friend of my co-worker Holly. She left Indiana to go to California for treatment and has no family out there. Please stop by and leave her some love on her blog.

Kraleigh Grace - http://www.kraleighgrace.com/index.htm
This amazing little girl lost her battle with cancer on Sunday.

Please add this one also:

Loner said...
I added them to my prayer list - please add my daddy - he has lymphoma and it hasn't gone in to remission despite two rounds of chemo - and the doctors aren't offering much hope. His name is Dave. Thanks - Stace

Thank you all for your continued prayers and words of kindness through these past few months. If you have a prayer request please leave me a note, I would love to pray for you and those who mean much to you.

Long Weekend

2006-06-05T14:22:00.000-05:00

We got a new kitty, Tux, this weekend. We went to a graduation party, and got a trampolene (free). I will upload more pictures later. OH, the picture of the bloody nose is from the trampolene. That is Blake, that is Blake's nose from Tyler's shoulder. Ha Ha.

I will Praise You in this Storm!!!

2006-06-02T13:40:00.000-05:00

This was the sky on Tuesday night as a nasty storm passed through our area. (I know the date on my camera is wrong). I just thought the sky was great.

Why would you want to?

2006-06-01T13:54:00.000-05:00

Read the sign on the side of the wagon.

The boys...and the new haircut

2006-05-30T12:29:00.000-05:00

Ok.... I went and got it cut again... I got another 5 inches off....this is the cut that I love if it is short.... My hair is naturally curly and boy does it bounce in this cut and with the humid weather.
We had a decent weekend despite the unusally hot weather. Tyler and Blake went to their dads Friday night and came home Sunday. They walked in the Memorial Day Parade yesterday and played some ball in the afternoon.
Got the air conditioner fixed (yeah to Jeff). I put it in Sunday morning and it did not start.....I thought I was going to have to buy a new one. I got this one from Jeff (husband's best friend) and his wife, Brenda, she is a gem. I will have to post a picture of him (he is adorable).
More ball games all week, I love watching my boys play ball.

Overwhelmed with emotion

2006-05-26T07:04:00.000-05:00

Mourn and be comforted.....

Grief is a partner to sin for the poor in spirit.
Mourning flushes out pride.
Roots of conceit are plucked out and the heart is softened.
Mourning gives room for comfort. Those who never sorrow will never know the joy of comfort that the Holy Spirit brings.
Our points of grief over sins and failures are blessed because they are the point of contact with the Divine Comforter.

Matthew 5:3-6
3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

As I mourn, I am comforted by Him. He holds every tear and bears every burden, I have to give them to Him ..... and let them go. I am quick to cry lately as God softens my heart to the storm I am in. I do not want to hate him (husband), I just want to live a life glorifing to God, is that so much to ask from my husband?