Being Selfish

I feel very down today. I am not typically a selfish person. Being married to a drug addict has brought that out in me. Watching things disappear from the house, looking for something only to find out that it has been sold to purchase drugs. I am tired of living in fear of the worst at all times. I am tired of always looking for something to go wrong. The hurt runs so deep that I don't know how to give it to the Lord. Some days are great, others are a constant barrage of listening to Satan all day. I wish drugs were never invented and that they did not exist, they cause hurt. There is no good that comes from them, only hurt and pain. So my thought for the day is I want to be selfish and protect myself from hurt and any chance of pain. Me and my little world, my cross is heavy and I will not put it down, I just want to cry today in my travels of carrying it.