Tuesday, February 28, 2006

At Peace

I have had an enlightening by the Lord. It has not come as a surprise, but a gentle reminder that there is peace in forgiveness. There is peace in letting go, and not holding grudges.

About 4 years ago, Bill and I had been married almost one year, we had both been turning to other people (of the opposite sex) instead of each other for comfort and companionship, and were on a fast track to separation. While neither of us physically committed adultery, emotionally and mentally we did. Dalton was the ring bearer at a wedding of a couple who both worked with me at Lowe's and the grooms mother was Dalton's daycare provider. While at the church waiting for pictures to start before the wedding, I walked past a shelving unit with many books on it. The book "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian was on that stand. I picked it up and read chapter after chapter in tears that afternoon. I was on chapter 4 by the time the wedding was over, and had asked the grooms mother if I could take it with me. That book, changed my outlook on marriage. I was not saved when I read it the first time and had purchased the book and "The Power of a Praying Husband" and given them both to the couple that got married that day. I repurchased the set last night. And I was just as captivated by the first pages this time as I was the last time I read the book.
If you are married, READ THIS BOOK. It has enlightened me about how to keep things in perspective.
God is awesome! He loves me and you! Not for who you can be or who you are going to be, He loves you for who you are. How awesome is love.

Friday, February 24, 2006

New Outlook!!!

II Cor. 10:4&5 says we are not in a fleshly battle, the verse tells us we are to cast down the imaginations of the mind where strongholds dwell and use the knowledge we have of God to bring our thoughts into captivity into the obedience of Christ This is done by knowing scripture.

Amen.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Addiction

I am sick of addiction, sick of someone else's addiction being my battle to fight. Sick of my father's loyalty that was passed on to me, being the thing that I hate right now. If there is something that the Lord has for me to learn, I am open to it. I only ask that He reveal it to me soon. I am sick of addiction.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Distractions?


During Sunday school we talked about distractions. When have you been distracted from a task or goal? My answer....... all the time. I often find myself taking my focus off the Lord. The things of this world are so overwhelming without Him. I know this and yet I fall short every day. The wonderful outcome is He still loves me when I fall on my face. God will never fail me, He is constant and unchanging. He is the same God today that He was 2000 years ago. How awesome is that. So, I have done some discovering of who I am and what I believe. I hope to post the things that I believe to be true as we go along starting today.
Truth #1
God created everything. Genesis 1:1 1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
I feel that to be pretty self explainitory.
Truth #2
God's word is true.
John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Praise the Lord

Yesterday was a big day! Bill went to court and the judge said that he did not have to go to Indy, rather he changed the sentence to two years of home detention. Talk about relief. He gets to stay home with us, he can have a job, and the cost is half of what the cost would have been for him to be on the work release program in Indy.

Now I have to learn to let the past go and quit waiting for the next disappointment. One of the blogs that I check daily is http://tickneen.blogspot.com/ , which is also titled "Just another day for an addict". Today he wrote this.

You cannot grow in your faith and be reborn in Christ if you do not accept that the old self has died.

It struck like a knife. I have been giving the old Bill (who has died) CPR for the past month and bringing him back to life. ME, I have done that. I have to let it go, and give it to God and just enjoy the fact that I can be free of it. So today is a new day, and I will approach it with a new attitude. LOVE. God is good.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

It is off to Lansing!

Blake playing basketball last fall.
Thank you to all of those who have emailed and left comments in regards to my last blog. My mood today is somber and in deep thought. Bill and I dropped the kids off last night for Awana's and spent the night talking in the parking lot of the church. It boils down to - can I let the hurt go. Not even let the hurt go, but not let the hurt of the past haunt my feelings for our marriage. I have spent the last couple of weeks worrying about an addiction and not enjoying my life. Bill and I can not survive that, and I don't know that I can stop looking for the hurt to blind side me now. So, keep me in prayer.
When we returned home last night from church, there was a message from a woman who stated that she was the coach in charge of the floor hockey team that will be traveling to Lansing for a tournament. Blake went crazy with excitement. Ok, now let me explain. In Buchanan, the kids play floor hockey in the winter. It is kinda like regular hockey only they play in the high school gym with regular shoes and the puck is a hard plastic. Anyway, the kids have a regular season and then tournaments for the championship. In addition, they select a few kids to form a team to travel to either Battle Creek or Lansing (this year). They also normally select a team for Canada. I have not heard anything about a Canada tournament. Anyway, back to the excitement. Blake was selected for the Lansing team. YEAH! He did not get picked last year as it was his first year playing. So mid March we will be leaving Friday morning and going to Lansing for a fun filled weekend of floor hockey. I am not yet sure how I will swing this financially, but Blake is a straight A student and plays almost every sport there is, he has earned this and I will find a way to pull this off for him.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Being Selfish

I feel very down today. I am not typically a selfish person. Being married to a drug addict has brought that out in me. Watching things disappear from the house, looking for something only to find out that it has been sold to purchase drugs. I am tired of living in fear of the worst at all times. I am tired of always looking for something to go wrong. The hurt runs so deep that I don't know how to give it to the Lord. Some days are great, others are a constant barrage of listening to Satan all day. I wish drugs were never invented and that they did not exist, they cause hurt. There is no good that comes from them, only hurt and pain. So my thought for the day is I want to be selfish and protect myself from hurt and any chance of pain. Me and my little world, my cross is heavy and I will not put it down, I just want to cry today in my travels of carrying it.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Valentine's Day


I think that the phrase I LOVE YOU is used without regard for the true meaning.
It seems the world view on this is, we should be able to say it and not show that we mean it. Where would we be without John 3:16 ?

16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

So if this is how our Father calls us to be, why do we live in a world full of hate and judging? Is it because our culture has learned that when you love so freely you open the door to hurt? I would rather love and hurt than to never have experienced true love. Bill and I had this conversation last night. God did not call me to love and then stand there and expect love in return. He calls me to love unconditionally. I am a selfish, prideful sinner. Lord forgive me for my short comings, teach me Lord, as Jeremiah 33:3 says
3 Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.
Amen
Happy Valentine's to all, I pray you all have someone that gives the love back that we so freely give. Give all the kids you know a great big kiss and hug, for they are the future generation of love.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Conviction

One of the things that I love about our church, is our Pastor and his love for God. He is so bold, and not afraid to step on toes. Which leads to conviction. The message:

2 Chronicles 32: 1-23.... summarized
7 Be strong and courageous, be not afraid nor dismayed for the king of Assyria, nor for all the multitude that is with him: for there be more with us than with him:
8 With him is an arm of flesh; but with us is the LORD our God to help us, and to fight our battles. And the people rested themselves upon the words of Hezekiah king of Judah.

I am always amazed by people of the Old Testament, I am in awe of the fact that they did not have His written word and yet they had way more faith than I do. They did not have Jesus, t hey had merely heard of His coming, and they believed. I am ashamed to say I am selfish, controlling, and scared. I am thankful to the Lord that I am washed white as snow by His blood.
Now back to the message: Hezekiah's courage comes from the knowledge of 2 truths
1. Flesh is feeble, God is great.
2. Fear fights its own battles, courage allows God to fight for you.
Find peace in courage. What a smack in the face, as I sat in my comfy chair. Why do I carry the burden, when Jesus pleads for me to come to Him and find rest.

Matthew 11:28-30
28Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.


Why do we struggle with this?

Friday, February 10, 2006

Bitterness and Forgiveness

I have these little cards with subjects and scripture all over the place, as a reminder and to stay in God's word.
For about a year I had one on my dashboard, this is my blog for the day. It helped me through, maybe it will be of help to someone else, as I am typing it as a reminder to myself.

I MUST FORGIVE LIKE CHRIST

Ephesians 4 : 31,32

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Back and with renewed Faith!

Thank you to all who have posted comments with outstanding advice.

Child in Faith, thank you for sharing, in life we tend to get so wrapped up in our world it is hard to remember that someone else has been where you are. Most people critisize me for holding on to the promise that I made before the Lord. Thanks for not judging.

BJK, All this disappointment has opened my eyes to how the Lord must feel when we fail Him and disappoint Him. I thought about it last night, take my heart ache and times it by billions. WOW! And He still loves us and you are right He is a good God. Very humbling.

Loner, I read that book about 4 years ago. We had only been married about 1 year and if not for that book, I can 't honestly say that I would still be married. I was not saved then and that book is part of the reason I have stayed this long. You are right I have actually forwarded the book on to someone else and need to go buy it and read it again. Thank you for the reminder that diligent prayer is still needed, I forget sometimes that prayer should not be the last thing I do, it should be something that I don't stop doing. God should be our first priority, not our last resort.

Aunt Becky, Yes he will be required to take random drug testing, and yes when he goes to work release he will be making his own money, and that is why we have started working on the trust aspect now. I can't help but being drawn back to the one simple fact that John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. And one more great notable that keeps coming to me,
Romans 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
These are things that the Lord keeps presenting to me. While I was still a sinner, He forgave me. Bill is human, aren't we all. Trust is earned, Bill is fully aware of that, and he is willing to work for it, as he should be. The problem is that while I can forgive, I can't forget, so going back to square one is not an option. We have to heal through the pain.

Danielle, I needed that. WOW! Talk about a few words that say it all. The logic is simple and yet the application takes focus on Him and not on the things of this world. Thank you for your prayers and support.

On the homefront, we spent the evening together, bowling. The competitive spirit in Bill and I brought us to make a little bet on the games outcome. Being that I grew up in a bowling league, and the fact that he has never beat me, I was game. HA. God taught me, I lost two games out of three. It is a good thing that what I bet I don't really mind doing or I would be crushed. Dinner of his choice, and then well you know what men always want. HE HE... The bet was kinda like a win - win. So I have to cook dinner, nothing new. WINK WINK. Anyway, today is a new day, and we have decided to put one foot in front of the other and not loose sight of every day.
I will be going to purchase "The Power of a Praying Wife" tonight. Loner is right, for all who have not read it, please do. Stormie has a whole series of books, Power of a Praying Mother, Parent, Husband, Woman and it seems like there are more that I am not remembering. They are great books. They also make great gifts. Thank you again to all of you who have stopped by and left comments, they do not fall on deaf ears, I promise. As I always say, Smile, it makes the day brighter.
Love to All

Monday, February 06, 2006

At my weakest, He is strong!

I am feeling very vulnerable today, it is so hard to let my husband try to gain trust back. That means that I actually have to give him money and pray that he does not turn to drugs. For those who have never been in the life of an addict, you have no idea how overwhelming it is. I am literally sick to my stomach. I know that I should hit my knees and give this whole situation to the Lord, my pride will not let me. The Lord has provided a safe place for me to land while satan has tried to destory my safe place. I am human, I have doubt, worry, fear. Feeling very insecure today.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Why ask Why

Why is it that when things don't go our way we question God? Why do we think that He has to protect us from all the evil in the world, when we are the evil of the world. Why do we question God's intentions when we can't grasp how infinite He is and how this whole world does not revolve around us? Why do we say.... If this happens, I will be happy.... when we should be happy with all that the Lord provides? WHY WHY WHY? Why do I EXPECT Him to pour blessings on to me when so many times a day, I fall short.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Food for thought


Leviticus 26
1Ye shall make you no idols nor graven image, neither rear you up a standing image, neither shall ye set up any image of stone in your land, to bow down unto it: for I am the LORD your God.

There is ONE God. I will probably make some people angry by saying this, and yet I feel compelled. Why do people worship Mary? Is the bible not clear? Am I missing something? I worship God, and His Son, Jesus. Don't get me wrong, I understand Mary's importance in the bible, yet she should not be a focal point of worship. I want to challenge anyone to show me scripture to support the fact that we should worship Mary. Put her on the front of churches and worship an idol. Have we forgotten who the Great I AM is? Just questioning, as I am a baby Christian, I am still learning every day. But this is one that I do not understand and have looked into, and yet I still don't see the sense.
If anyone knows, please help me to get this straight.

On the home front, all is well. We attended bible study last night and the boys attended Awana's. What a wonderful program for them. I am so thankful for our church, our Pastor, all the church workers, Awana leaders and the missionaries who spread God's truth. I am overwhelmed with Love today.